KNOCK KNOCK?!?!

2008-01-05T23:14:00.000+08:00

Otaku Otaku

Now I know why Japanese kids lock themselves in their rooms... I think I can certify myself as an 'Otaku' right now, because I've watched at least 20 different animes!

My favorites - Gakuen Alice, Saiunkuku Monogatari, Lovely Complex...

It's getting very addictive and I applaud these Japanese writers for being able to come up with ridiculously funny storylines... It's amazing how mangakas can draw so much, and how animators are able to continuously create intricate backdrops and sceneries.

Btw, I'm leaving for San Diego this Wednesday (9th Jan) and my flight's at 10am. So I'll be reaching the airport at T1 (Cathay Pacific Airway 736) around 8am or so... seeya there if you're sending me off!

2007-12-30T02:14:00.000+08:00

The parrot at home is a female.

I've been living with an unlikeable housepet (in comparison to my previous fluffy and awesomely cute pet rodents) for 23 years; the African Grey parrot. And it has just come to my family's attention that it is actually a 'she'.

Apparently it laid one egg (unfortunately it broke when it fell onto the metal grill base) and viola! Now we know that we have a female parrot in our midst. I just did some research too and here are some interesting facts about the African Grey.

1. One of the most intelligent birds (I knew that...)
2. Great as a pet or companion (I still do not love her)
3. It is a 'Near Threatened' species on the conservation status - primarily the wild ones
4. They have a lifespan of up to 60 years (She was there when I was born..lol)

2007-12-18T17:47:00.000+08:00

More photos from yesterday's outing with cousins and aunts!

2007-12-17T23:20:00.000+08:00

A Warning.

I felt that God was speaking to me a while ago. I was checking up on my Facebook account and I happened to read the 'Daily Bible Verse' application -

James 1:22
Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.

I have been questioning my faith lately. I am a Christian and proud to be one... but it seems that my actions do not depict my faith. I hardly go to church these days (a big no-no), I seldom do my Quiet Time, my thoughts and actions are that of a secular young adult... Ask me to quote a verse from the Bible and I'm only able to memorize a selected few (when I should have memorized more at this stage in life).

God has given me a wonderful family, helped me with my problems, answered my questions... What more could I ask from a God who lowered himself to the position of a suffering man to save our souls? But my behavior and attitude are far from that of a grateful sinner who has truly repented.

Please pray for me to work harder at spreading His words through my actions. I don't intend to be a stagnant databank that does nothing. And I pray that I'd find my calling soon.

2007-12-17T01:26:00.000+08:00

Have a Blessed Christmas

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life - John 3:16

2007-12-16T20:28:00.000+08:00

My Room

I thought I'd put up some photos of my room, considering the fact that none of my friends have actually seen it. The mess... ah, it's a mess that I enjoy being in, but I tried tidying it up a bit. It looks a tad ruffled in the corner, but it's actually not as bad as it seems.

2007-12-12T17:35:00.000+08:00

Italian Sweet Breakfast Rolls

They really taste that yummy! It wasn't too difficult to bake either.. :)

2007-12-12T11:06:00.000+08:00

Haiku for the Day

Feeling sick, I am
Nose drips, throat so sore, why me?
It is a black day.

2007-12-09T22:33:00.000+08:00

Ignorance.

I know that blogging about politics is a major no-no. And I do not even participate in any form of commentary about politics. Furthermore, what I'm about to show you is not even entirely related to me, in any sense, a Singaporean who just happens to love reading about other people's thoughts.

I was on the bus today when I saw Channel News Asia's reporting of Oprah's support for Obama, a potential "presidential hopeful" (as quoted from aol. news) in the upcoming elections 2007. Anyway, since I have no political views or knowledge of what's going on, my anger is actually directed towards the commentaries that people have made on aol's news article.

First of all, I can't stand racism. Secondly, although I am a Christian, I condone people stereotyping other faiths or religions. I feel that such commentors will only spark hatred and war even more. And thirdly, certain commentors need to get their facts right - (note BlueRdgldy's comments) and just Wiki for Obama.

Living in Singapore has taught me to love everyone of every ethnicity and religion. Although my view still stands on believing in the one God that has brought me through thick and thin, and blessed me with many miracles, I just pray that many more would see the love that runs through from Him and soften their hearts.

Angered, I am. Forgiving, I will be.

2007-12-06T23:01:00.000+08:00

Woooopieee!

I can't believe it that I'll be leaving for San Diego on the 9th of January. Almost everything is going perfectly, but Gwyn told me to expect the unexpected, because you never know what God has planned for you. In any case, I know that He know's what's best for me and I'll agree with it.

But thank God so far for giving me another opportunity to fly away to a distant land and to experience the culture they have to offer. Also, I managed to find affordable housing, and I'll be roommates with another exchange student whom I've met with twice so far.

I can't wait to go to the San Diego Zoo, and I really hope to visit several friends that I got acquainted with over the summer at Mt. Rainier. Who knows; Illinois, Iowa, Washington and Oregon are written in my 'to visit' list.

2007-11-18T23:59:00.000+08:00

ARGGGH THE WORST THING HAS HAPPENED TO ME!!!!

MY ENTIRE CPU WENT DEAD ON ME!!! ALL MY ARTWORKS!!! MY ENTIRE SEMESTER'S WORTH OF WORKS AD ILLUSTRATIONS!!! ALL GONE!!!! I hope I can salvage my harddrive... I hope it's just the motherboard that overworked!! I NEED ALL MY ILLUSTRATIONS FOR MY PORTFOLIO!!!!!

2007-11-10T22:05:00.000+08:00

Walking in the Rain and *Aachhoo*

I walked home in the rain late last night. I like it when the orange street lights reflect onto the wet puddles on the concrete floor. I like it better when you feel raindrops on your face, but I didn't like it that much that my nose is dripping today. My eyes feel puffy and sore from all the sneezing... and AACHOOO again.

2007-11-09T23:54:00.000+08:00

Jesus Cares!

Just as I'm about to give up again, God sent me another tiny miracle that made my day. School hasn't been a smooth ride. Harry Tan (moi Sociology tutor) e-mailed me two weeks ago to tell me that there were some problems with my essay.. apparently I was the only student called out by him. Didn't sound good at all. And I was probably the only student who had to rewrite it. But guess what, I just received my grade today and I scored an A-!!!

And earlier today, I was dreading Graphic Design because Cindy hasn't been a good professor and I wasn't hopeful that my packaging design would be deemed 'of quality and of standard'. But I got the thumbs up from her, although I do have to make some tweaks here and there... Thank God for that. And finally, Prof Eileen was pretty happy with my progress for Stop-motion!! And I can't wait for it to be completed so I can let my friends from Mt. Rainier see it. It'll be dedicated to them.

2007-11-06T22:49:00.000+08:00

Yippie! My book cover's complete...

2007-10-31T21:40:00.000+08:00

The dreaded e-mail

I never liked receiving e-mails from lecturers. More than half the time it's bringing you bad news instead of good ones. And I just received one, from my Sociology tutor. I think I had some referencing problems with my essay. I feel so overwhelmed with work.. I feel so stressed now.

And I think I'm beginning to suffer from my anxiety disorder again. For the past few days I have been feeling symptoms of anything and everything - brain tumor, deafness in ears, tingling sensation in my hands and legs... Then I get worked up, I think I'm going to die. Wait. Suffer and then die. Hold on. Suffer, and watch my parents suffer for my sake and then die, and they'll suffer even more.

I know every student suffers from stress. I take it differently.. I'm mental. I can't think of what to do anymore, my mind's a blank simply because of everything that's going on around me. I just want to huddle in my bed, lock myself in my room and never step out of home. I fear that I'm going crazy sometimes, I think I am.. I really am. I'm resorting to taking Xanaz again. I'm in such a *ucked up state I don't feel like being a student anymore.

2007-10-18T22:16:00.000+08:00

Living in a Pressure Cooker!

That's how I feel now! Lecturers barking at you from all directions, telling you what to do, what not to do, when you've got to hand in your assignments..... I feel like pulling my hair out.

The worst is definitely not over. I can't believe it that I'm so behind time for my Stop-Motion animation... My final 30 sec - 1 min film is due in 4 weeks and I've yet to start!! That means that I'll be beginning my virgin overnight stay in school... I haven't done that before, and I can't survive without showering at least once a day. Lol... It's unusual for an ADMer to say that he/she hasn't stayed overnight in the Bauhausy building...

Anyways, the lecture we had about art today was pretty interesting. And I feel like I've betrayed myself... I know that I'll eventually make art or deal with design for a living. Which means that I'm selling myself out by catering to the masses. Do I really want to do that? I think not... We need awe-inspiring artists in Singapore. People who dare to use the guerilla approach to promote art for art's sake. NOT ART FOR MONEY'S SAKE!! But I'm sad to say that it's an 80/20 thing that I'll be working as a money hungry designer. I feel like crap for typing that... but who knows, God may take me somewhere else, put me in an environment where I'm needed, and where my needs are fulfilled.

I want to lead a life so passionate, and so full of zest and pride for my own work. I'm not sure if I'm able to experience that, but I pray I do. But if there's one other thing that I would like to work as... it would be a food travel journalist. The opportunity to taste different cultures literally... pretty mindblowing I tell ya. I think I'll put food in front of design. Or maybe I could make art out of designing good looking food... But it's not going to be good because it seems pretentious by doing so... oh dear me. I think I'm getting a little confused now.

But here's something I did for an Illustration class. It's actually a recipe/storybook about characters who get killed (in a cooking kinda way)... Here's a spread from the chapter about 'Baked Fish'.

2007-10-10T22:53:00.000+08:00

Spasms, Fidgeting & Restlessness

Damn that cup of coffee... I know what happens to me even when I sip the tiniest amount of caffeinated beverage. I can't stop fidgeting... And then I get worried, my heart starts to pound harder, and I can't sleep because I know that something's not done.

I skipped school today because of my damn back... My posture's been getting worse and hence the excruciating muscle spasms. Well, an extra excuse for working from home! Goody goody... At least I did get some things done.. like my character designs for 'Illustration for Designers'. And I hope to complete the entire 50++ page worth of illustrations by next week, along with the products.

And I've got other stuff to worry about... Like my exchange program to San Diego State University (SDSU). Who knew that applying for an exchange prog could be so much trouble. First the paperwork, then the subject matchings (more e-mails to lecturers), and then you get unsatisfactory replies when they say that 'subjects that you're taking there have to correspond exactly to what is offered in NTU'. OH PLEASE... what's the point of going overseas and taking the same old subjects that are offered in your university?? I need more exposure, not to be stifled. Sometimes I wonder if NTU has our best interests at heart... Lovely time of being stressed by such matters... Now I'm beginning to wonder if I can even study at SDSU next spring, not with all the paperwork and datelines that I hardly adhere to. And now it seems that I've to foot my own flight tickets to San Diego... I thought exchange programs were partially sponsored by the school. ARGHHHHH... everything's about money in this world.

Even human beings are seen as monetary goods. That's why Singapore is pruning us to become part of the capitalist society. Sometimes I wish that I could just lead a simple life somewhere in the Meditarranean region, purely supporting myself through farming for my own needs and exploring the secrets to good food. Fat fat fat hope... I feel that passion in Singapore has been arrowed towards money and nothing else.

2007-10-08T22:55:00.000+08:00

Vilmos

The viking that I'm proud of...
that was my first try with modelling something nice out of cheap plasticine! It's black because there was an excess of black plasticine...

2007-10-06T22:09:00.000+08:00

Hurrah Hurrah!

Amidst the chaos of rushing for art projects and reading materials, I guess I de-stressed today. A little... with shopping!

I'm not a habitual shopper. I spend only to replenish, and I definitely couldn't miss the chance of the Bodyshop sale.. tsk tsk... I spent $36 on Body Butter (sounds luxurious eh?), 2 bottles of lotion (I think I need to see a psychiatrist for my scented lotion addiction), a bar of zesty smelling grapefruit soap and a bottle of plum & nectarine spritz.. They were good deals, and it's gonna last me through a long long time... There are certain times when one has to be like a pre-hibernating squirrel. Collect all while you can, to last through the winter (in this case, the rest of the year when Bodyshop's not having any sale and selling ridiculously pricy products).

Oh!! I watched The Nanny Diaries after shopping. I'd give it an 8 out of 10. Personally I loved the show, although I've yet to read the book (which I will. Soon)... The movie explores the boundaries of human society (I guess I'm digging too much of 'Singapore Society in Transition').. If there's one thing about Sociology that really interests me, it'd definitely be learning more about hiearchy and culture. Although it's such a pain to write essays with substantial field observations... it kinda contradicts what I love to do, because I love looking at people and wondering what they're up to. The word 'essay or 30% of your grade' spoils it all.

I like unwinding on a Saturday... It's been long since I last did that. Unfortunately (or fortunately) I spend a lot of my off days in isolation. It's been a long time since I last went out with my friends. Sometimes the solitude becomes part of you, but yet sometimes you yearn for someone to talk with. The advantage of having another soul with you comes in handy when you want to sit down and have a piece of cake at the cafe. Being alone at such places makes me feel awkward and small, then you start hearing imaginary thoughts from the people around you, "why is she alone?", "she's occupying the entire table!"... Sometimes I feel that being along becomes a stigma. E.g. Alone = Loner = Weird = Deranged Person... or maybe I'm thinking too much.

Sometimes I could only wish for a companion, girl or guy, young or old... it doesn't matter so long we've got something to talk about. My brain's too small a place to hide my thoughts. And it needs dyadic relationship... It shouldn't be rotting away... in that dank place.

2007-09-23T21:42:00.000+08:00

Massive nose bleed

I can't believe I experienced my first full-on, mega huge nose bleed. Unlike many people I know who have nose bleeds due to the heat, mine was brought on by the sheer force of smacking my nose onto the sharp edge of a cabinet.

Story goes like this...

I was exiting my mom's toilet and was going to switch off her TV when I managed to run smack into the corner of the top cabinet. And immediately I started crying and cupping my nose because it felt as if I tore right into the bone. I didn't know then if there was external damage cuz of the sharp point of the cabinet, but all I felt was intense pain and I had to scream...

My father was right in the living room at that time when he heard me screaming and crying (quite a baby I know... imagine the pain and what was going through my head). He told me to show him my nose but I kept cupping my face because of the pain. When I eventually showed him my nose (I hadn't looked at myself at all) I saw lots of blood dripping onto the floor. That made me cry out even more... all I could do was panic because I thought I really did inflict some form of irreparable damage onto my nose. All I could think of was being sent to the hospital and getting my nose stitched up...

He quickly got a whole block of ice cubes and wrapped it up with a piece of cloth and told me to ice my face. Only then did I take a look at my face in the mirror and thanked God that the bleeding was coming from the nostril and not from an external wound. But that was just as frightening because I was thinking about blood clots and brain damage. I remembered my father telling my mother to wipe my blood off the floor because it was making me panic even more. The initial sensation of blood flowing from my nose was quite indescribable but I definitely felt more than just the trickling.

All in all, my mother thought that I should go to the hospital, but my father said that it was okay because people get hit in the noses all the time and bleed from it. E.g. Boxers. And I did agree with him because I think the bleeding was probably the bursting of a vessel. Anyways, the bleeding did stop, although my nose hurt like sh*t even when I tried to fall asleep. The pain did subside a whole lot this morning and I'm grateful for this experience as disgusting and painful as it may sound. Because then, I was telling myself to trust the Lord that nothing would happen to me and that He'd be there to help me; through my parents too.

2007-09-10T00:08:00.000+08:00

The only reason that I’m updating my blog now:

I’m feeling alone and there’s no one to hear me at all…

Besides, no one really reads what I write… Maybe you do, but I would appreciate a comment or two. After all, this is one of the other ways that I’d be communicating with anyone else, apart from trying to meet up with friends that I hardly meet.

This has been going on till now. Every night, all I do would be my usual routine of checking Facebook, then my e-mail, and Deviantart… I’ll log in to MSN, hoping that anyone would drop me a message and talk about other things besides themselves or just saying ‘hi’…

Sometimes I feel that my life’s a mess, especially right now. I haven’t been doing my homework as I should, I worry if I’m doing it at the last minute, I worry that I might not finish it. I worry about losing so much hair till the point I’m about to get an anxiety attack… And it has happened once last week where I couldn’t breathe and had to resort to popping a Xanax pill. I think my lecturers are giving us too much homework.

There are times when I feel like quitting school and start doing what I really like; baking & cooking. But again, I love the challenge of homework and assignments… but not until the point where every week is assignment due week.

I’m really bugged by school and its heavy load of work. I wish this semester would end soon then I can fly to San Diego (I’ll be accepting my student exchange program) and relax with the peeps there. I’m assuming that hostel life would be great, and at least I’ll get to converse with living beings. Unlike now…

I can’t even remember when was the last time I had an hour’s worth of conversation with a friend on the phone. Nada.

I don’t want to fall asleep every night, thinking that I haven’t done anything fulfilling in the day… It makes me suffer from insomnia, which I have been getting for some time now.

This is a plea for help,

Erica.

2007-08-27T18:29:00.000+08:00

Oh why oh why.... am I procrastinating???

I'm supposed to be doing my homework, yet I can't get my brain to function like I'm supposed to! All I can think of are reading Neil Gaiman's Stardust, baking pie, web-surfing, swimming.... BUT NOT HOMEWORK!!!!

Arghhhhhhhh.. someone has to PUSH me to do something about it. I feel like this is my laziest semester ever. It's nearly 4 weeks, but I still feel like I'm on holiday.. Aye.

I doubt I'll ever create anything worthy of an artwork this semester, because I feel so forced!
Anyways.. here are my 3 designed powerpoint slides...

2007-08-07T21:24:00.000+08:00

If there's one thing I miss...

That'd be the people I used to live with on the mountain.
And I'll never forget this song that Rebecca (one of the greatest friends that I met) taught me:

" I love the mountains, I love the rolling hills.
I love the flowers, I love the daffodils.
Boombeeyada, boombeeyada, boombeyadda..."

It's amazing what God can give you, and he gave me the best of my life..

2007-06-03T11:09:00.000+08:00

2007-06-01T14:10:00.000+08:00

The reason why I'm not typing this particular blog in 'awayfromtheheat' is because of the depressive state I'm in.

I'm feeling rather mellow, downcast, disappointed, sad, vunerable, weak, tired... depressed. This low moment is an extreme opposite from the joy I felt just 2 days ago. I can't possibly reveal the cause of my depression, because I feel that I have no reason to be. Every word that I type makes me feel like crying and I don't know why... I just want to hide under my covers now, and be back in my own bed in Singapore. I just want to walk alone without having to face anyone at all, not even my friends..

I don't even feel like saying 'Hi' anymore. 'Hi' is just a polite form of acknowledgement that someone exists. But what makes one truly alive? I feel dead now. Morose. Sorrowful. Dejected.

Am I really a person? Am I really human? Do I truly exist? I keep fading in and out of existence. I doubt anyone really takes notice of me. If I were to disappear from the mountain now, no one would know. People would definitely feel sad for a while, just because they realize that another human has died, and death would most probably come for them next.

I guess I really AM invisible... I'm always waiting for a reply, but none comes to me.

2007-04-28T10:55:00.000+08:00

Hey guys..

Since I'll be in Seattle till August, I thought I'd start another blog just for the updates on my journey to the West (hahaha I know.. lame).

So please proceed to http://awayfromtheheat.blogspot.com

With lots of Amor,
Erica

2007-04-22T21:28:00.000+08:00

Leaving on Saturday!!!

Woo hoo... after my exam on Thursday (which I haven't been studying for), and after the exhibition on Friday..... I'll be leaving for Seattle on Saturday!!!

Here are my flight details if any of you reading my blog wants to send me off:
Departing flight time: 2.40pm

But since we have to reach there 2 hrs in advance, i'll be there around 1pm...

2007-04-13T21:33:00.000+08:00

Maybe I should be a chef!

I took this photo last week, or either last last week when I had to make my own lunch... I know it looks a tad extravagant for a home-cooked meal, but I love playing with food!

2007-03-30T00:12:00.000+08:00

Spiritual Attack

The reason why I decided to blog this incident was because of the conversation I had with Gwyn just earlier tonight. I guess God is trying to tell me to re-evaluate where my life is heading, and the mistakes that I know I'm making. As Christians, our ultimate destination is to reach heaven, where we will live eternally. Now that I'm reflecting on my current actions, I just pray that I will not be hindered by obstacles, for what I truly want is God's love.

Although this incident happened two nights ago, it isn't the first time where it has happened to me. I was sleeping, but I knew I was sleeping, because suddenly my body just locked up and I couldn't open my eyes. My heart started racing, and I wanted to get out of that locked position but I just couldn't move. I was scared, and I felt a dark presence around me.

Like I said, this happened to me more than once. I recalled when I was young, something similar occured . And since I wasn't exactly a believer, I quickly ran to my mother's bed, and I couldn't sleep properly at all, fearing that it would happen to me again. Lo and behold, it did... many times even when I became a believer in Christ. But each time this took place, my faith grew stronger and stronger in Him.

Remember that I was in a locked up, paralyzed state of mind and body. And with the dark air so near me, I started to be afraid. I think it's okay to get scared, but the moment I called out to Jesus Christ, I prayed for Him to help me, to get me up again, and not to let the devil touch me. I felt a gradual sense of release, and I could move. I wasn't as scared as I used to be, because I believe that Christ will never forsake me, that He will always be there when I need Him. This is the power in believing in Christ. While you may be scared stiff for a moment or two, calling out the Lord's name just diminishes the fear of other things.

Gwyn told me that one will experience spiritual attacks when (1) one is at their weakest, or when (2) one is striving to get closer to God, and (3) the spiritual leaders. Tonight's talk with her gave me an understanding of why I was being attacked. This happened to her before, and I'm sure it did too, to many Christians everywhere. So if you're a Christian reading this particular blog, please pray for Christians all around to be victorious by studying and acting on God's word. Pray that we will reject temptation, and pray for us to be ready for any spiritual attacks by arming ourselves with His word.

2007-03-21T22:51:00.000+08:00

Face Research

Woo hoo.. look at the different me!

2007-03-15T13:23:00.000+08:00

So Grossed Out!

I had the worst experience yesterday, dealing with the POSB ATM machine...
Apparently the old Indian man that queued up before me, DUG his nose fervently, and then he pressed the keypad with that same old finger...

TRIPLE EW!!!!

And when it was my turn to use it, I had no choice by to let my fingers do the suffering.. I sacrificed my cleanliness by touching that same old keypad (and so many other people before me used).

It felt as though my fingers were infected with the Ebola virus, so when I reached home, I ran to the sink and scrubbed my fingers till they were raw.

Some people just don't have the decency or hygiene to use a tissue paper. YUCK.

2007-02-23T22:52:00.000+08:00

An Update of What's been happening in Erica's life...

1. I bought chicken chops from Can B, and I put my handphone in the same plastic bag, and when I reached the Com lab at school, my ex-W550i was swimming in gravy!!!!
2. Went to the Service Centre at Wisma, but the lady said that I'd be better off with a new phone because the existing one would cost more than $125 in repairs..
3. Walked around M1 and got a new handphone - w810i; lovely piece of equiptment, but I spent my entire Ang Bao collection on it.
4. Took the escalator down and... VOILA! I found an Ang Bao with $50 inside!!! Was happy for a little while...
5. Walked around town with a chronic cough, I think people would've thought I was suffering from some disease
6. My departure and return flights to and from Seattle have been confirmed! Leaving on the 28th of April, coming back on the 3rd of August.

It's been a mad mad month, but I really thank God for everything that has happened to me, bad or good, it makes life a little more interesting and challenging.

2007-02-12T22:25:00.000+08:00

*POP*

And that's what will happen if you press hard on a larvae (or tiny caterpillar). I found one this morning, it was wriggling (don't ask me where) so I decided to end its miserable life (and my terrible disgust) by crumpling a thick stack of tissue paper and squishing it.

At first I thought the squish would feel more like squishing cooked rice... But apparently, the moment I lay my thumb on that wriggly worm, it went *POP*... Was kinda grossed out actually, but I'm so intrigued by it. I looked at what's underneath the tissue paper, and I saw squashed remnants of the larvae, but most of it was soaked with clear juice (like dabbing tissue on a water droplet). Somehow it felt like popping miniature water bombs.

But I'm still very disgusted by it. And I just got the creepy crawlies just by thinking of a wriggling worm. *EEEEWWWWW... btw, it was about 1.5 cm long and 0.2 mm thick. Body was translucent white with an obvious head... EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE reminded me of a maggot. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...

So this is what you get, when you squish a worm.

2007-02-05T17:49:00.000+08:00

Cheating

I'm cheating myself, and I'm cheating God. I made promises that were broken, and I feel that I'm an unworthy person for anyone, and God. My mom always tells me to endure any criticism that I'll get. But I've failed her because I'm weak. I try defending myself, but I end up losing all the more. I feel as if my talents are disappearing, fading into the world of inexistence. I'm losing my touch, and I'm losing my head. Maybe Prof Y. was right to criticize me. I shouldn't have stood up against him. There's no point in defending anything anymore. I was too full of myself once, and now I just feel like crumbling on the pavement when I'm walking home. I tried to stop my tears while I was walking home, but I couldn't. I had to stop my tears when I got home, I just didn't want my father to see me crying. I don't want them to worry about me when they'd so much to worry for themselves. I just feel that life's hopeless at this point in time. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever succeed in life, I should have because I already believe in Jesus. But most of the time I just get depressed all over again, because I know that I've failed, and that I'm a failure, and will always fail no matter what. I'm tired of doing things for people, sometimes for friends even, and I should be ashamed of saying that. I'm sick of this cough that I've been having, it's robbing my sleep, my life, my very existence of being. I think my friends and other people would think that it's just a cough, and nothing more. Yes it is just a cough and nothing more, but I feel that it took away something more. I'm wiping my face as it is now, drying it with my sleeves. You know how that feels, but it feels terrible to be the one feeling it now. I've failed my friends, the people I've befriended in Crusades, but they won't know how it feels like to be me, I'm different and I'm weak. Encouragement from friends will sound like discouragement to me. I want to lie on my bed and not think of anything else. And this is what I'll do. For now.

2007-02-01T19:52:00.000+08:00

A Series of Funny Events

Ahh.. what a day today. I was on my way to school today when I bumped into a long-lost Tanglinian classmate. His name is Keith Toh. It felt a little awkward talking to him, partially because I haven't really met up with any of my classmates in a long while, but it was good to see a familiar face again.

After the long lecture and tutorial, LY and I had Korean food at Hall 13 when we bumped into one of our ADM schoolmates, so we had lunch together... and I SPOTTED THIS ANG MOH GUY SITTING NEAR US... *drools* over my Bibimbap.. I've been craving for hi.. IT!!! All because of yesterday's long stressful day of slogging over KC's work, only to receive brutalizing comments by him over the e-mail.. I think I must have flipped out last night because I just couldn't stop feeling overwhelmed and depressed with the week I'm having, and not just that, but over the life I've been leading as I start to question myself, my motives in life, my friends, family... And I suppose it happens to every other person as it did to me -- tears just flowed from my eyes and I just felt rather useless and hopeless last night. But the only person I could turn to last night was God. I felt hopeful in telling Him all my burdens, and so I prayed for the week to get better, and for my life to get back in track. You know, last night was just a minor set-back.

Lo and Behold...Today turned out to be a better day. Anyway, after we had lunch, LY and I headed towards school (had to go to the bus-stop outside there anyway) when 2 Chinese students asked us to do a survey, and this happened beneath the sheltered pathway. So as we were being quizzed, I looked out and saw this dishy looking foreign student walking towards us *really have to stop my eyes from wandering*, and when he walked past us, I unknowingly smiled like an idiot and stared at him as he walked by, ONLY TO SEE HIM SMILE BACK AT ME!!! *butterflies in the stomach* No Singaporean boy would do that gentlemanly thing of smiling back at you... they'll probably sneer back with disgust at my face.

Okay... I know that part above is irrelevant about how God made my day better today, but I just wanted to let everybody know that God hears all prayers and works through people to make you smile too. It wasn't just that incident, but talking over lunch with my buddies sorted out my vileness towards my lecturer because he is who he is, and I was reassured by them that life goes on, and food becomes part of the healing process as we talk about what we'd really love to try.

I headed back home after that, and when I got of the train at Sembawang, I bumped into another old Tanglin face, and this time he was Stanley Lee!! So we chatted for a while, got his MSN *really should start keeping in contact with the rest of the 4B people* and I headed towards the descending escalator. I remembered that I had to get my school's EZ-link card sorted out because I had a -$7.43 in my account *crazy right???* I queued up, told the lady behind the glass plane about the negative dollars, and she said that she'll have to keep my card to check for its errors, but in the meanwhile, she'll make me a new EZ-link card.

But just to let you know, the photo taken on the earlier card was pretty crappy. And Lo and Behold!! I happened to have my recently self-taken, self-edited and self-printed passport photo with me (had to give one to Speedwing for the Work Travel prog), and I ended up with a nicer picture on a new card this time (the old card was dented in half).

God really works in mysterious ways I must say, but I'm very thankful for today's series of events. It really pays to pray in faith, to the one and only almighty God who constantly looks over our shoulders. Making you glad when you need to be, and giving you the necessary things when you need it.

2007-01-27T01:09:00.000+08:00

A Little Visual Spectacle

Did this on Thursday, while waiting for Crossroads to start.

2007-01-27T00:45:00.000+08:00

Fast or Feast???

Now now, before I make way for the fluffy clouds in my dreams, I have to blog about today.
As of today (yes... a little late now, but as of FRIDAY) I'll be taking part with an NTU's Crusader's event - ENGAGE!

So for the next 2 weeks, we will be fasting (there are diff. types of fasts). I chose the 'one-meal' fast and the lifestyle fast (no TV).
As it goes in the booklet, Engage is about:
"to disengage with the activities and distractions of the world, and to engage with the LORD!"

Truth be told, it would be my first time fasting and devoting myself to the Lord. I really pray hard that my devotion will grow even stronger after the two weeks of fasting. I need to get back on track with my Saviour! Gwyn mentioned that it will be tough since the devil will be tempting me. But with Christian brothers and sisters as supporters, I know I can make it through!

But one funny thing happened earlier today. Apparently we had a feast at noon time. Lunch was so filling, and still we had tea and 'takopachi' balls after that. It hit the high-point when I realized I was munching through till 6.30pm and I was like "oops! Cannot eat already!"

All in all, despite the near miss of fasting, I had a great time with Gwyn. Here's what we did for today:
1. Met at 2.15pm and ate Korean food: I had Bibimpap... YUM YUM
2. Ard 2.45pm we had dessert: SO FULL!
2. Went walking around, stopped by Daiso: deadliest place for trying to refuse snacking urges
3. Pet Safari: Saw a freshly-groomed dog pee on itself again... haiyah...
4. Went to Kopitiam for tea: and the 'poison' to calorie counting from Daiso - Takopachi balls, glistening with oil
5. 6.30: Realization of dinner time and quit eating and start fasting!

Hai.. I knew I made a little boo-boo with the timing and fasting, but I was glad that God answered my prayers by allowing me a heartfelt time with a long-time friend.

2007-01-21T23:14:00.000+08:00

YAY! SEATTLE WOO HOO!

Man!!! I CAN'T WAIT FOR MAY TO COME!!!!
I'll be joining the Work Travel programme to USA, and I'll be placed in Seattle!
Wooo Hooooo!!!!! Kaman's going too yeah! *psst* time to spread the gospel to her!

Anyways, I really thank God for going where I want to be, and I really pray that everything will go smoothly..

I feel a little bad skipping church today cuz I couldn't stop coughing in bed. Even when I'm asleep! Well, if I knew I was coughing while sleeping, that meant that I was semi-asleep, and that's really bad.. The doctor's antibiotics didn't do much for me, but I hope I'll get better soon... tata

2007-01-11T23:49:00.000+08:00

Great Day!

Yay.. I officially attended my first Crossroads meeting for this year. Since we're in the South Spine of NTU, we did a pot-luck (tho' we really know that luck doesn't exist) today instead of the usual sharing and sermon (I think) in the LT.

It's really great that I'm beginning to open up to more Christians alike in school. I thank God for knowing people in the same faith studying in ADM such as Jessica (she-who-brought-me-to-CC), Cheryl (she-who-taught-me-rhino), Julienne, Justina... and those whom I just got to meet in tonight's dinner.

Something cool happened yesterday too, cuz I just found out that Phoebe (another ADMer) goes to Calvary Pandan!!!! hahaha.. that's beside Galilee. Perhaps God is trying to reach out to me, and somehow, I made a promise to settle in Galilee once and for all... (Gwyn must be smiling!)

It's a good start to my first week in school, and I want to keep this fire going on. So to all who are reading, just pray for me to be persistent with this new life that I have chosen.

Anyways, I was smitten tonight by some ang moh in school. You could ask those who were standing in front of me when he came up to ask me what was going on with the crowd (the Crossroad's gathering). Hahahaha... oh man, I really should stop my wandering eyes. He smelt of good cologne!!!! Budden... he was walking around with a girl *sighs* I think I must have looked really stupid acting like that and all...

Oh well, I know God will provide!!! Btw, it was cool to know that some Crusaders live in the Northern region. NOW GOT TRAVELLING KAKIS!!! haha..

2007-01-06T00:00:00.000+08:00

Dream Guy... ah...

Literally!!! yeah, not just some dream guy, but someone that I actually dreamt of early this morning... proves to you that I wasn't in deep sleep, and as I'm typing now, while listening to Earth, Wind & Fire's September, I still vaguely remember that charming fella...

It feels really weird knowing that you dreamt of a strange face, and deep down I really wish that he were a real human being. I can't recall any of his features now, but I can trace his character and features through the song I'm listening to. Quite weird eh?

All I could remember from this morning is that he was a real gentleman.

Tsk tsk, maybe I'm suffering from the side-effects from being single throughout my entire life. And I'm hallucinating about a guy I've never even met, and he probably doesn't exist in this mortal realm... ha

2007-01-04T11:01:00.000+08:00

Another Singaporean Killed in Malaysia

Seriously.. I'm never ever stepping foot in Malaysia again (DID YOU HEAR THAT MALAYSIA?!?!?!)

UNLESS...

They step up their security, and let these parang-wielding idiots to know that KILLING IS WRONG!!

I haven't been to Malaysia for many years, but after listening to so many people and their horror stories about robberies and killings in just nearby JB, I doubt I'd ever want to step foot in there again. There goes their advertising for 'good shopping, good bargains'. I say, SAFETY FIRST!

I've many Malaysian friends, and I'm not condemning any of the Malaysians, but more or less I'm condemning the people (all around the globe too) who think that murdering another life can solve all problems.

We've barely entered 2007 and the headlines are getting worse each day.

1. Bad weather all around the world
2. The Taiwan earthquake that disrupted internet services in Asia
3. The bombings in Thailand on NYE
4. The plane crash in Indonesia
5. Parang-wielding idiots in Malaysia who went out to stab some guy from Singapore...
http://sg.news.yahoo.com/070104/5/singapore250564.html

Anyway, this works as a wake-up call to all Christians and non-believers that the world is indeed coming to an end soon. I know this sounds all dreary and morbid, but it's a good thing to know that believers will have one definite place to go after they depart from the earthly world - Heaven!!! But before one can do that, one must accept Jesus, but at the same time to live a life that God can be proud of, and that doesn't involve taking the lives of one another.

So I pray for people to stop all these shenanigans. Killing another life means to devoid that soul from the pleasures of life - one such as love (the love from God, parents, siblings, friends...) Furthermore, when one is killed, that is equivalent to killing the people around them because of all the hurt and loss that the rest has to go through.

2006-12-27T00:45:00.001+08:00

'Tis the Rainy Season

I wonder why have so many Singaporeans complain about recent weather..
Okay, needless to say, floods kill businesses that operate by the roadside, but other than that, what's wrong with the torrential rainfall?

I absolutely love rain,
and I won't deny shunning away from the sun (although it feels good to be warmed occasionally)...

I love walking in the rain, and if I dared, I'd walk without an umbrella covering my head. But other than that, I find it very soothing to listen to the pitter-patter sounds when rain droplets splash vigorously onto any surface.

And it's only during the heavy rainfall that many choose not to step outdoors, but that's the only time when I love being outside (otherwise I'm always your typical home-girl). Crowds are non-existent, no-one blocks your way, and best of all, you can SING LOUDLY and not get weird stares from anybody.

I love getting my legs and feet wet, provided I'm wearing slippers or sandals, and shorts. And once you're out and about, the next best thing to getting soaked outdoors would be to get soaked indoors - showering in really hot water, especially when you feel the cold draining away from your body...

And it gets really comfy when it rains at night, so ta-ta for now, I'll be needing some of my well-deserved rest now.

2006-11-25T00:11:00.000+08:00

Naked Dolls..

I'm definitely not a perv okay!!!! Neither am I inclined towards females (straight, right up, HETEROSEXUAL)

Okay. Anyways, this is simply done for my digital painting assignment, in which I picked surrealism as a topic. I was trying to mimick the paintings that I saw when I was young, and this proved to be a pain-in-the-arse because it took too much time. But I completed it!! (prayer works tonnes!)

I bought the doll specifically (byebye $16) just so I needn't recolour the hair or to fix any 'deformities' for my figures.. At least that took some time off and Martin (my botak lecturer from good ol' Britain who uses the F word at least once every minute) wanted me to use a real figure for whatever reasons... Sometimes you shouldn't trust your lecturer when you're the one management your own time. Besides I bet no-one would want to pose for my project;
doll-face suits my theme better too

In any case, I managed my best with the doll (despite her being frigid) and I hope it looks real enough..

But I'm glad that Martin's okay (and maybe he did like it somehow) with my final pieces (I did it in a series of three while my classmates did just one!!!) There you go, I was actually compromising quality with quantity, cuz my some of my classmates can kill someone with one freaking good piece.

In order of series: (1)Mushroom Land (2)Candy Cane Land (3)Lighthouse Land

Yeah... I've no originality in naming names...

2006-11-25T00:00:00.000+08:00

First Sketch

Ho ho ho (my surname x3)

Okay.. I planned to draw something for Christmas (hopefully turn it into a postcard for sending to friends).. and this is just my first sketch. Very rough, no colours..

I seriously need to start practising my drawing again.. I've been using the computer for too long to even draw!!!!

2006-11-23T17:22:00.000+08:00

Pseudo Hairdresser

Maybe it's my PMS or something, but I am insanely pissed with the old ah beng who just snipped my hair...

Sometimes you just get a feeling that things won't turn out fine, and that's what I got.

I was walking towards the hairdresser when I saw this platinum blond Ah Beng from afar standing outside the door... smoking the thing that kills every innocent person nearby.. So I walked up to the shop, but he was blocking the entire doorway, and you can't help but to frown because he's being rude by not even letting you through the door, and secondly, his clothes were a sign of disaster (I think he still feels like he's 18 or something... when he's most prob in his late thirties???)

Anyways, the most striking thing about him were his wispy blonde locks (oh did I just say that?)... I mean 'over-dried-up-platinum-yellow-hay-not-even-meant-for-horses-to-chew-on' hair... And guess what? He had bits of pink (NEED I SAY PINK!?!?) chunks dyed on that mop of his... GAAAHHH!!!!

I said 'excuse me' in my polite(est) voice ever just so I could squeeze into the shop. And he rudely said,
'mei you dian'
(apparently the shop's wire tripped or something...)
After a few minutes the electricity went back on and I was looking hopefully at the aunty who usually does my hair. Too bad for me though, she was helping this girl getting ready for her prom, and just at that moment, she signalled to the Ah Beng

Now he's gonna be the one to snipsnipsnip my hair!!!

Yeah.. I told him what I wanted - Just trim , with the back looking like a bob (the usual).. AND I TOLD HIM TO MAINTAIN MY FRONT LENGTH (I couldn't tell him that I wanted Aeon Flux's-do, cuz I doubt he'd even know who Charlize Theron is...)

So I sat there, I let him do his thing, and I expected him to be GENTLE and FOCUSED with cutting my hair... but was momentarily horrified with his fast snipping scissors (that kept dropping onto the floor). I didn't pay 15 bucks just to let him experiment with my head, I expected GOOD RESULTS... otherwise I could've gone to some '10 mins hair-cut' place... I think he did it in less than 5 (okay.. I'm exaggerating, but it seemed that way)

And come on, which hairstylist doesn't stoop down to look at the mirror from my head's height just to see if my length is symmetrical???? HE DIDN'T!! And I didn't dare to be honest because I know that I'd flare up pretty badly (which I did on the way home)... And I suffered my mistake of not heeding my 'feelings' in the first place.

I stomped home angrily in the rain.. and when I got back, I took my other mirror to the toilet, I noticed that both sides of my hair weren't symmetrical at all. So I held a pair of big orange scissors in my hand and started to snip away... At least now my hair's more balanced now..

2006-10-28T01:29:00.001+08:00

You Gotta Have FAITH FAITH FAITH!

I'm really glad that I went for Campus Crusade's final meeting for the semester. Thanks to Jessica too!!!

Anyways, I just felt rekindled with Jesus again after so many months of being AWOL... not a good thing I say. The teachings that night were about faith, and after hearing someone's testimonial, I know that I could/would/should trust in the higher power.

And I experienced the miracle of faith today!
How good is that????

Cuz by the time I left Cailing's house today, it was nearly 11.30 pm, and the last train home would most probably leave around that time. And when I reached Harbor Front, the announcer said, "the last train heading towards Jurong from Dhoby Ghaut would be leaving in 6 mins"

First of all, the train reached Harbor Front 4 mins only after it was announced, and for the train to go all the way to Dhoby would take another 7 mins or so... and then I'd have to run all the way to the North-South Line for my train, which would take about 2 - 3 mins. So that tallies up to 14 mins.

So I prayed hard, and had faith in the Lord, although a tiny percentage (like 15%) of me said that I wouldn't make it. And by the time I made it to the platform at the NS line, I was extremely relieved to see the digital board saying that the train would be arriving in 6 minutes! Really, I was happy to know that I needn't waste my money on the cab fare. But again, part of me knew that God was keeping at eye on me, and just to let everybody know, having faith is the best cure for any situation.

I smsed Kaman (another friend I was on the train with), that I made it, and I pray that she'll understand what's it like to feel knowing that you've someone up there helping ya all the way..

So tata for now... I need to zzzz.... Have to churn out 1,500 words tomorrow :p
So HAVE FAITH!

2006-10-07T22:16:00.000+08:00

Moon Haze

Man... Sumatra's pissing me off sometimes.. okay..
only the times when the winds are blowing tonnes of smoke in our way.

I spent my mooncake festival at my grandfather's cousin's son's son's home.. Ah, makes that even more complicated eh? It was nice of them to invite us over to their humble abode (with a long driveway, a courtyard, a guesthouse 6x the size of my living room, a really big swimming pool, a 2 story garden...etc...) and that's just the exterior.

At first I was rather hesitant because I could've celebrated it with my friends, but I told myself that I should at least respect my elders to which they have put in their time and effort in wanting to bring the Ho clan together on a festive occasion. Food was okay, company was okay too... I just felt a little bored when I was there because there was the awkardness of not knowing what to say or talk to your distant relatives, when they have so many experiences to talk about knowing that they have been to Sweden (or are going to), own the Banyan Tree resort in the Maldives, their son in the States working.. bla bla bla...

You never know when not to feel uneasy when somehow you know that you're related to the Very Important People in the small, but rather powerful tiny island of Singapore.
There I go, mumbling again...

But you know, I was being very cynical for the first few hours, but after sitting amongst the elders and hearing their stories of the good old days (like 40 something years ago), my heart got warmed by the lives they've led and the closeness they have felt with every sibling and cousin.

And when we were sitting quietly within the last few minutes before we separated in our ways, we just stared at the moon, knowing that it was indeed a moment to cherish.
Perhaps the haze may have caused minimal discomfort, but the moon was there for us to see (although partially obscured by the haze). Somehow, during yesterday night, the moon was a symbol of unity and nostalgia for the Ho clan, and that was a pleasant feeling to think about.

2006-09-30T00:22:00.000+08:00

GORE

See lah... supposed to use 'GORE' as a theme... I wonder why can't Martin Constable let us choose our own themes... I really really really hate gore, although there's this certain attraction to it.

2006-09-21T23:03:00.000+08:00

Nasty Nasty Busted Knee

Yeah..
Yesterday was a good day.

Joyce Chin let me off early after 5 mins of consultation,
I went home happy.
So I got into my new pair of blades,
and took to the streets.

But when I was about to roll home,
I tripped on the asphalt road...

and...

*BAM*

My right knee slammed hard onto the ground, my left was slightly hurt.
I was bleeding badly, but I felt happy for no reason..

It's been too long since I bled like that,
pain was a good feeling,
so I continued rolling home...

I passed by a stranger, I asked her if she'd any tissues,
she looked at my knees and she was so shocked.. haha
I told her it was nothing,
and she was a really kind lady,
and she gave me a whole packet of tissues.
I don't think I'll ever forget her kindness..

I walked home after rolling for a short while,
because I didn't want to hurt myself further,
and I pitted-patted down the red brick road to home.

I felt bad when my father saw me like that,
he said he feels pain when he sees me hurt,
I understand that he cares, which I'm thankful for.

Anyways, I took some pictures of my bleeding knee,
so I could use the blood as part of my stock photo
for the Digital Painting assignment,
that required GORE.

Btw, walking felt like my knee was twisting and breaking...

2006-08-31T22:36:00.000+08:00

Funny Cousin Day

It's really weird when you meet a cousin that you rarely see (once a year mind you...) And then comes the awkwardness of thinking, 'should I go and say hi?'... And then you do, and then it gets even more awkward when your distant cousin sits there and waits for a few very long seconds before he thinks and says, "oh you're my cousin!"...

Haha, that's the gyst of my afternoon story.. It happened when I was walking through the extremely overcrowded Canteen A (in school). Anthea and I were buying McDonalds for lunch when I saw my distant cousin sitting at one end facing me. I think he saw me.. But anyways, I hesitated thinking if I should go say hi, ya know.. be polite or something. So I walked up to his table (he sat with 2 girl friends) and I stood there infront of his table and waved my stupid hands infront of his face. Weird thing was, I think he didn't see me coming yet, but his friends must've thought I was some crazy girl.

Anyway, he finally sees me and pauses. I was thinking to myself, what if he doesn't even recognize me, or what if I went up to the wrong person just cuz he looked like someone I see only once a year!!!!?? So after 10 seconds, he remembers and exclaims, "you're my cousin!"

His friends who sat with him laughed and one of the girls said, "she's your cousin and you take so long to figure that out??!?!" I bet he must have been really embarrassed... But at least I was consoled by the fact that he said that he saw me but couldn't place where I was from. Weird part again, we both forgot each other's name... I vaguely remembered his, but he tells me that he's 'Meng Meng', and I told him that my friends call me Erica...

What a weird day...

2006-08-29T19:20:00.000+08:00

While My Heart Gently Weeps...

I just got home, dead beat and really tired. And I don't feel like doing what's ought to be done for tomorrow, or even the day after.. But I browsed through Netscape, and found this link, linking to one of the best ukulele musicians ever (apart from Jack Johnson). I just feel this indescribable joy lifting in myself, and music truly soothes your soul.

Here's to you all,

2006-08-23T23:56:00.000+08:00

Paint Me Invisible

No one bothers anymore... I guess school really stinks. I feel like I'm a stinking piece of poop that no one bothers to go near to talk to. On a daily basis, I wake up, I go to school, then I go home. Nothing, zilch.. nobody even bothers to ask me how my day is/was. I'll surely call most of the people I know 'acquaintances' from now on. No more friends in my life.

Everyone sticks to each other like glue, they have the connection. I think I just have some hard outer shell that no one seems to look past. Yes, I do talk to people, but it's just the usual 'oh I have so much HW' talk... Other than that, I just put on this friendly face, but nobody bothers to look at me deep enough to know that I'm suffering, or so eager to have a nice, warm conversation with anybody.

I feel like a loner at school, especially during the breaks inbetween lessons. I feel like a loser, it seems like I know too little people to go about feeling happy. I feel daft hanging around alone and when I see the rest smiling and yapping away, I want to be in my room and cry till my eyes bleed.

2006-07-25T22:13:00.000+08:00

Nearly 2 Months!

Hi hi again.. It's been nearly 2 months since I last came up with an update. It's quite weird, cuz my last post was about me starting work, and now I'm about to end my vacation job at the airport! I am so eager to get out of there, not saying that work sucks or anything, but I'm just glad to be bumming around at home again, eating, watching the tele, sleeping (TILL ANYTIME I LIKE!!!) You can never have too much of anything tho' (that's why I got the job in the first place) :)

I know this sounds really narcisist, but I'm so proud of myself! For the first time in my entire life, I got my lazy bum up to work! And I mean a REAL JOB.. apart from the time in poly where I had an internship. Working as a sales girl in the airport opened my eyes. And trust me, being a seller ain't easy. You have to deal with demanding rich ladies who most probably haven't even worked in their entire life, loud-mouthed 'act-smart' people who think they know everything but can't afford anything (sour grapes syndrome, this especially applies to locals), and the everyday Q&A session with your colleages (esp the aunties) who will strike with one question, "Today open bill already?"... It's really annoying!

The competitiveness of the work environment will put someone working at the stock market to shame. Everyone's like a piranah vying for that juicy piece of meat. A lot of talking behind your backs too.. And especially when you're working in a smaller environment like a boutique, it's just extremely unfortunate if your colleage happens to be a lying tattle-tale who's out for only herself and no one else. It's worse when that person is two-faced and is the most uncooperative. Oh well, you meet all kinds of people, makes life more interesting.

But amidst the chaos, I still like working at the airport. I'd say that 70% of my customers were genuinely nice people, and there were a couple of gems for co-workers.
Their hearts were there to help the newbies, and there was no intention of talking to you just to find out how bad/good your sales were. And since I'm only 20, I saw life through many of their eyes when they told me about their stories. I'm sure I'll feel a little sad when I'm leaving on the 30th, but in time to come, I'm sure I'll meet them again when I visit the airport.

All in all, I'm grateful for that chance to work at the airport.. At least I can tell myself that I'm not a 'good-for-nothing'.

Btw, I won 2nd place at the iPod Nano design competition! Got the tablet and the Nano!

God gave me a blessed time this holiday and I really thank Him for that! :)

2006-06-13T22:14:00.000+08:00

Hot Grapes & Flavored Tea

Ha! I read Jessica's blog about her needing to know how to serve Slovenians special tea that's flavored with jam. But mine... aha! Now I know how to make fresh grapes that's flavored with flavored tea! Sounds confusing? Nvm....

What I did:
1. Put one Dilman teabag (Lemon, but smells like Lemongrass) into a cup of HOT water.
2. Pluck fresh grapes
3. Put some fresh grapes into the hot cup of flavored tea
4. Let hot flavored tea seep into fresh grape that is now hot
5. Take grapes out of hot tea and eat it

Conclusion:
Now hot grapes taste like lemongrass hot grapes. Funky taste, but very nice and sweet.

2006-06-10T17:29:00.000+08:00

SKIN

Design for iPod Nano. It's for a competition, and for those who plan to use this design without MY PERMISSION, you will be dealt with VERY SERIOUSLY.

For more info about the competition, please click on this link -

CLICKY HERE

2006-06-10T16:50:00.000+08:00

It Came In Handy!

Ha!!! French came in handy, but amidst the two whole months of not speaking French, I guess my knowledge dwindled... badly. So far I've served 3 French customers, the first was a lady who lived in Paris (PArH-EEE), the second was... umm.. I forgot. And the third lived in Paris too! And I remembered to shout out "BONNE JOURNEE" when they left the shop.

I need to start revising again!!! Perhaps only when I end on the 31st of July, then I'll begin with practice again.

Btw, I made no sales yesterday... :( Till now, that's the worst day of my work life. Tsk tsk... And to all Celine fans out there, if you're travelling out of Singapore, PLEASE BUY LIKE 10 BOOGIE BAGS LARH!!!!!! 5% CHEAPER SUMMORE!!!!!!!! NO GST LEI!!!!! MUST BUY LAH!!!!!

Pssstttt... I cut my hair. Short back, long front. ;)

2006-05-27T18:16:00.000+08:00

Sunglasses!

T’was my 3rd day at work, and I’ve come to love it and hate it at the same time. Hate the long hours of standing (aching ankles and back). But the conversation with customers are surely fun sometimes. And being a salesgirl has its perks! You’ll get to use ‘serving’ as an excuse to talk to CUTE guys!!!! Hahaha…. I never was much an expert in that area (never was such a bravado in real life anyway)… But this time, my 3rd day was somehow more fantastic than the first two days…

There was this guy walking to and fro around the shades section, and I think he was there for a pretty long time, trying to pick what’s right for himself. And my over-cautious and judging co-worker thought he was trying to steal ‘em!!! It wasn’t just him, she was suspecting that a group of Caucasian women were trying to the same too (that’s why she called me over to help). I wouldn’t blame her tho’, for being very very cautious. Cuz if something goes missing, she’ll be responsible for that loss (and there goes part of the pay I think).

But anyway, I tried to ease her mind by walking up to the guy (could see that his dad was waiting for him outside the store) and asked him what he had in mind. I could tell that he was the pretty indecisive sort, but again, after talking to him for a while, I knew that he wanted something perfect, and he couldn’t find any on our displays. So I recommended some suitable ones, “polarized sunglasses! You can see vibrant colors even under bright sunlight!”, “you’ve got a longer face shape, try these on! Cuz they’ll frame your face nicely”…etc… And every now and then, I’ll turn back to look at my co-worker to tell her not to worry because he was just a little indecisive, but I suppose she was still very adamant about her suspicions. Worst of all, she didn’t want to serve him or any other customers that she thought were thieves (including this auntie that dressed like a ‘ge tai’ lady that spoke with a heavy Australian accent – looks local, but indeed is foreign, but ended up buying a pair of Oakley’s for more than $150!!!)

But it’s really her loss for being overly judgmental, and I don’t think her body language looked presentable to the customers. I just hope that in time to come, she’ll soften a ‘lil. Anyway, continuing with that guy I was serving… He really couldn’t decide, he asked me lots of questions about shades! And best yet, he looked at me so intently when I was trying to answer him!!!! ARGH… Those eyes were so soulful and deep!!!! At first I thought he was either Japanese or Korean (I still don’t know), but he spoke perfect English (the pronunciations and intonations… ahhhh), and there was this accent… Any girl will surely melt upon hearing his voice!!! (I know I did!)

So I let him browse through a couple more as I stood one side waiting for his perfect pick… He nearly bought a pair but he couldn’t decide on it because he felt that the frameless and light one he had were less durable… And that’s that for that exciting day..

2006-05-20T19:24:00.000+08:00

Black & White???

My my... I was browsing through an internet article on Netscape, and here's how it chose to describe certain facts...

The study: More than 1,000 black and white teenagers from North Carolina's Durham, Orange and Granville counties

Black and white????!!! There's something seriously wrong in the usage of language here... I wish they'd use African-Americans & Caucasians instead of using the 2 neutral colors...

2006-05-10T00:22:00.000+08:00

My Key

I gave you a key,
mysteriously.

And I hope you'll peep,
into your tea.

My key, in your tea,
a daily activity.

Drink it all up,
but feel my plea.

My plea is the key,
that damned key
to my heart.

And open it up.

In there, pour tu
a welcome party.

2006-05-10T00:12:00.000+08:00

Make Your Own Title For Me

It’s interesting how a friend can encourage you to do something that you don’t feel like doing at all, but when you do that thing, you suddenly realize how much good actually comes out from it.

Miss Van (lol if you’re reading this), actually managed to make me do my quiet time. So I started by reading from the daily devotional book that she gave me. And then I read the whole of Proverbs 29, as was linked to there.

By God’s grace, it actually allowed me to learn a lot about knowing God through moral inspiration (God’s inspiration), and through our own idealistic principals about the Lord. Of course the latter is what Christians should not seek to follow. Well, I guess quite a lot of Christian friends do suffer from the latter syndrome, and I’m not afraid to admit it too.

For long I’ve had my own idealistic principals (as the DD book said) of being a Christian. I still do go down the crooked path now and then, but I’m still aiming to do the right things in life. I pray that my other friends would too. I guess even from a non-Christian context, the wrong path’s always the self-reliant path. We always need encouragement from friends and family, but most of all, we need to humbly accept the feedback (be it good or bad) about ourselves to ever live life to the fullest.

I guess it is pride that always gets the better of many, but as hard as it seems, we should learn to hear more from others rather than just from our own minds because our opinions about ourselves, our characters and our actions are often very biased and one-sided (literally). The fact that my mother nags at me, or when my friends tell me that I’m doing it wrong, reinforces the underlying love they have for me.

Anyways, here’s something interesting from my student bible.

Five Dangerous Responses – Inner attitudes can destroy you
1. Anger will destroy you before it destroys anyone else. Control your temper! (one more way of being less prone to heart-attacks eh?)
2. Pride will lead to your downfall. Humility is far more rewarding.
3. Jealousy grows like a cancer.
4. Fear of people is unnecessary if you trust God.
5. Conceit is ugly. A conceited person forgets God’s place in his/her life. (Definition of conceit: A favorable and especially unduly high opinion of one's own abilities or worth)

That’s all folks!

2006-05-09T21:21:00.001+08:00

Two Favorite Songs

Of all time...

1. The Feeling - Sewn
2. The Fray - Over My Head

Pretty indie/alternative... It makes you feel sad somehow, that 'oh-so-achey' heartache... That sinking feeling, until you start seeing that 'one' in your pathetic lonely brain.... Then you smile to yourself (people'd think I'm a looney)... Then you heart sinks even lower. The area beneath my heart is an endless pit.

He's some talented geezer with one name that's a tAd cAd -like. Psst... no more!! NO MORE!!!

So what's the point of even being happy for a sec, and knowing that nothing's going to happen later?... I can't literally twist my heart into another direction.

Here's a part of 'Sewn'.

Coz you got my heart in a headlock
You stopped the blood and make my head soft

Yeah.. very interesting... vhard an accurate lyric. almost poetic... Since that day when I was 16/17... Guess who. :P

2006-05-07T13:21:00.000+08:00

Damn Interesting

Wow.. I chanced upon a really cool website - www.damninteresting.com
Apparently every article that's in it really makes one go WOW... I happened to be reading an article on 'beheading' and I was kinda squirming with horror... Go read it - http://www.damninteresting.com/?p=495#more-495

Apparently some of the heads are still aware of their surroundings and will blink their eyes when someone tells them to.. Scary.. Then I read the comments, and decided to read abit about lethal injection, because it's said to be more humane and painless. So I searched it in Wikipedia and guess what?????? ANOTHER DAMN INTERESTING FACT!!!!

You know how my birthday's on the 7th of Dec right? That's the anniversary of the bombing of Pearl Harbor. I've another interesting fact to add on to that eventful date. Here's about the history of lethal injection, "The USA was the first nation to experiment with lethal injection for capital crimes, using it first on December 7, 1982". Strange ain't it?...

2006-04-26T22:09:00.000+08:00

My Room!

I re-decorated my room.. Well okay, I just pasted some stuff on the wall.. that's it.. But here's the outlook. Pardon my mess.. But my mess makes me so comfortable!

2006-04-26T09:51:00.000+08:00

10 Wise Words That Will Make You Laugh

From Netscape:
English may be a grand language, but sometimes you need to draw on another language to find the absolute perfect word to describe a situation. This list of 10 words is proof positive.

Tingo: A Pascuense language word from Easter Island that means borrowing items from a pal's house, one by one, until there is nothing left.

Kummerspeck: a German word that literally means "grief bacon" but refers to the excess weight gained from emotion-related overeating.

Bakku-shan: Japanese for a woman who "seems pretty when seen from behind but not from the front."

Ulykkesbilen: Danish for an "ill-fated car."

Putzfimmel: German word that means a mania for cleaning.

Nakkele: From Tulu, India, this describes a man who licks whatever the food has been served on.

Katahara itai: Japanese for laughing so hard that one side of your stomach hurts.

Drachenfutter: A German word that is "dragon fodder" when translated literally, but means the peace offerings made by guilty husbands to their wives.

Plimpplampplettere: Dutch for skimming stones.

Backpfeifengesicht: German for a face that cries out for a fist in it.

Haha... I think for the last bit, it can be explained in Hokkien with "Kiam Pa Lian"

2006-04-17T23:38:00.000+08:00

The Loneliness

I admit that I've been putting myself down time and time again. And it's always about the same pathetic reason - loneliness. From the beginning (of when I don't know), I've felt isolated even when I'm around people, even when they were close to me. The fact that I wasn't able to connect on a deeper level with anyone made me really cynical about everything.

I still seek solace in books, because fictional characters narrate my ideal life. They always turn out to be heroes, the underdogs, the winners even when situations look so dire. But also, I can find help by talking to my unseen God, and I seeked His help just last night. But I still feel the need to find a human being to be my perfect best friend. But alas, perfection does not exist in humanity. Humans are fickle, and sometimes cruel even without the intention of being that way.

But as time whizzes, isolation to me, becomes a gift. It is a paradox, isolation can do you good, and do you bad. Isolation just has a knack for getting to you either way. It's always the either 'this' or 'that' rule when it comes to life. The opposite poles of the magnet. But both provide this feeling of sublime just as much.

I know I'll grow up alone, being an independant person when it comes to surviving life, but withering deep down inside.

2006-04-03T00:25:00.000+08:00

Je Suis Celibataire

Just search for that in www.babelfish.altavista.com and you'll know what it means. I guess I'll remain "celibataire" for as long as I'd live. I could start making "celibataire" a poem, a song.. whatever..

"Celibataire" is a popular word for now. The only one in my dictionary. And miserable.

2006-03-14T22:08:00.000+08:00

Lovely Dream

I had a splendid dream last night/early morn... I woke up, all happy and in-love.. with a ficticious man. I know it sounds strange, but the dream that I had, was one of a kind.

The stranger in my dream was kind-hearted, exuded the boyish charm, but was gentlemanly at the same time. The emotion was so intense, and entire duration of my dream felt so real. So real.. surreal.

I know it sounds like I'm awfully desperate, but I wouldn't mind getting knocked out, or be in a coma for the next 60 years (which most prob I'll live till). I know there's more to live for in life.. Life goes on. But that dream will probably be the only time I'd experience such love.

Something is at least better than nothing, because the sensation of love, the thrill of someone liking you felt so true. It is something in real life that I most probably can't yearn for. I know God has all sorts of plans for us, but sometimes I just feel like deviating for a little while. It's bad... But.. I end with 'But'.

:(

2006-02-27T01:09:00.000+08:00

Hello Again

I know it's been a while since I last updated my blog. Life hasn't been that nice lately, and stress is taking a toll on me. I haven't been going to church, but I went for today's service, and all I can say was that I missed out a lot. The message hit me today, not as hard, but enough to remind myself that I am a Christian, and I ought to feel proud to be one. I listened intently, and found out quite a bit about Daniel. Apparently he was thrown into the lion's den (WITH LIONS!) because he disobeyed the king's rule and he had to be punished. But Daniel believed that God would take care and save him from his adversaries' jaws. And guess what, God did! Because Daniel had complete and utter faith in the Lord.

Well, I did experience a little miracle from the Lord too. Just today, I needed to borrow an art book badly for my upcoming presentation. I smsed more than 20 friends to ask if there were in town so that I could use their library cards, but none of them were... Just as I was about to loan the book for 30 mins so I could photocopy it at the Konika shop, some dude from SADM popped by and he helped me to get the loan for 3 weeks instead!!!! I was praying for someone's help, and God sent me a person, and not just any person, but someone who's actually from SADM too!!!!

Will pray for the passing weeks to get better... :)
And my arm feels sore from carrying such a heavy bag! Damn my chocolates... they leaked liqueur... urgh

2006-02-10T22:31:00.000+08:00

Friendless

I've always felt this way, maybe I'm just being paranoid. But I feel that nobody has the heart to treat me like a friend.

I cry myself to sleep sometimes, I tear up easily on trains and buses (which can be pretty embarassing). I don't know what to do anymore...

I've read tonnes of books for so long, I guess I choose to dwell into my ficticious paradise. Tears are clouding my eyes now as I type, again.

No one knows how this feeling feels... I feel really empty, truly empty.. and I'm turning 21 this year. Sometimes I think of my future, and it looks really bleak.

2006-02-06T23:22:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I wish

Sometimes I wish I had a friend who had no other friends.
I wish that I'd have one friend that knew no other 'cept me.
I guess there's no such friend cuz I feel truly alone in this world now.

There's no physical person to talk to, no one to call, no one to go out with. No one that truly knows me inside out. I doubt my life's fun. I lead one as a hermit.

Maybe I'm Miss Hermit, nobody to talk to, no one to confide in. All my friends have other friends, they spend better time with each other. They're happy with their lives. And I'm not, with mine. I wish I were such a sick child that I'd conjure any imaginary friend just from my head. I wish I were psychotic.

2006-01-29T21:34:00.000+08:00

ENOUGH IS FUCKING ENOUGH

I had it with insults. I had it with every relative going 'DAI LUI'... Big girl literally. I had it with that. All of us are born differently, and sad to say, I'm born that way. I HATE CHINESE NEW YEARS. I HATE MEETING UP WITH ANYONE. I hate myself even more now. I hate that nothing's going to please anyone, and I'm fed up with people making fun of me. Even when they meant it as a joke. You don't know how much it hurts to be insulted this way. This is the last straw and I really hate my family for that.

2006-01-29T02:16:00.000+08:00

Humble Beginnings

Oh wow... It's been that long since I last entered a post. I write only when I feel like it now, there's no obligation.. I guess... But I felt that today's post ought to be archived as part of my life's major history events.

The year of the dog has arrived. And usually, I'll be having a reunion dinner with my dad's side of the family. I see them all the time, but each year, the reunion dinner's a special occasion to mark a new year in spending time together. It's just like any extended family dinner, except that during this particular day the food's always extra delicious. All my faves - prawns, steamed grouper, braised dried oyster mushrooms, century eggs with pickled ginger slices, and of course, my dad's famous dish, the braised duck seasoned with everything so good.

However, the reunion dinner was celebrated differently this year. One of my dad's cousin (a rather rich relative) invited us (my dad's side of the family) to their house to mark the celebratory occasion. We usually see them once a year (during CNY), and I guess that since all the elders have passed away, there's an option for extended families not to visit each other anymore. But I guess family pride's just as important for them, as for us. Which is a very good thing, because my extended uncle's speech this evening was pretty special in a way that he wants to keep the visiting tradition and blood ties going on.

As I said, we hardly meet up with any extended family members. My recollection of them involves me being shy when they're at my aunt's place for visiting. I didn't get to talk to any of my extended cousins, and I suppose that contributed to the awkwardness tonight (which I'll most prob explain later). Visiting the gigantic mansion located in one of the most expensive districts in Singapore was really a spectacle for me. From the moment my family and I entered the porch, I felt so small and overwhelmed. The house has it's own tennis court (which dinner tents were perched on), and a really long swimming (lap) pool. Adding to my amazement, the kitchen was open-doored and so gorgeous.

The title of this blog marks my humble beginning. I'm still living very humbly with my family in a 5-room HDB flat. And after tonight's event, I really thank God for placing me where I am. It's not that I harbor the desire to be rich (which I'm sure that in some point in time, everyone does), but being brought up in a simple, but extremely loving family shows me the extremeties in what I have. You can't judge anything without having another opposite to rely on. If you get my drift... Jesus was a very simple man, who was brought up very simply. He wasn't born in a castle, but He was born with farm animals around Him. But that made Him the Man that many of us trust and abide in. And I'm very glad that He's my perfect life example.

I met some of my distant cousins this evening. They have been brought up in well-to-do families, and from the first moment I communicated with them, I felt tension because of our different lives. They were born with silver spoons in their mouths, and although they're people that I would never imagine myself hanging around with, I do admire their fire, passion and love for life. But if it's something that I could never agree with, would be their myopic vision of the common life that most of us lead by. From the conversation, I deduce that they're the sort of people who party wild, and aren't afraid to criticize people who do not live like them. It was definitely fun talking to them, but I could never place myself in the shoes of a party-goer who sees life as a catwalk. That's where my humility comes in, I'm really thankful for God who made me that way.

It's nice to meet and converse with them afterall all these years of hostility. But I do pray that God will touch their lives one day, as He has touched mine. Even the richest and most evil human deserve to know the Lord better. And I pray for that day to come to all.

2006-01-16T01:39:00.000+08:00

A Poem for the Itches (after one of them left for Ozzy)
A dedication to the three whom I've known for sososososo long...

BTW, the poem's meant to be funny ah...

-------------------------------------------------

We four, Switches
Ended with ‘itches’
But do not say we’re *itches (B******)
We’re specialized teachers

Maggie so Krazy (can replace with Kinky)
She’s known as Kitch
But she flew to Ozzy
Making funny business as her niche

Gwynie the Vannie
Her nickname’s Switch
The ‘Sw Sw Sw’ sweet one
That does the good preach

Evey being fierce
We named her Fitch
But now that she’s busy
She can’t make us twitch

Lastly I’m Rica
And you can call me Litch
Oh please, I’m not that sucker (Leech)
But I’m sweet as peach

2005-12-31T23:18:00.000+08:00

What's a new year to you?

Tonight's a very similar night to the one that's about 365 days ago. Like last new year, I'm stuck in my room, pondering. But I couldn't remember though, was I as sick as I am this very moment? My eyes are sticky, watery and extremely itchy. The insides of my nose is very sore and drippy.

See, that's what you get for attempting to clean a pig-sty of your room. I dragged myself out of my so-comfortable bed earlier today, so that I could fold my clothes and rearrange my wardrobe. I threw out so much stuff!! I don't wanna be a packrat no more! It's an irksome habit, keeping old mementos that do not really see daylight at all. Oh boy, there's more packing to do tomorrow. I gotta dig a space huge enough to accommodate every inch of my mega huge art stuff.

I need the motivation!!!! I need a spick and span room!!!!! I guess there isn't enough storage space in the mousehole I live in. Everything's here and there, especially small items (like pens and pins). Though there's a 'designated' box or container for almost everything, things seem to wriggle out of 'em. Haha..

Need to clean! Need to clean! I wish I were like Monica in FRIENDS.

2005-12-29T20:22:00.000+08:00

Guinea

I'm crying now as I type. Today, my 3 pets were given away (2 guinea pigs & a hamster). I know I haven't really been taking care of them, and I even gave my consent to my dad for them to be given away. But he made a mistake by not telling me when.

I was out with Madeline today, watching King Kong. And the moment I got back home, my dad decided to break the news. I know its better that I live without my pets (or ex-pets I should say), as I'm terribly allergic to them. One slight caress and I'll sneeze non-stop. But I think its really insensitive for him not to tell me that they were going away today.

I can't help but to think back of the time I got my first white albino guinea. I was with my mother. After a trip to KK for a checkup, my mother happened to be in a rather good mood, as for once her daughter was out with her (I could feel that happiness). We walked past a pet shop in Novena Square, and there he was, the cute furry albino. He had his brother with him then, but we decided only on one guinea pig. That guinea pig represented the love and happiness that my mother had for me. She called him 'Bobby', and I really don't know why. But still, those memories are enough to make me tear right now. I was so enthusiastic about having a bigger pet for once. I gave him my constant love and affection, and I even sought for another companion after a few weeks of loneliness he suffered from.

The second guinea pig - I named him 'Skunk' (as he looked like one with a white stripe down his head). I got him in the first place to keep my albino company. Initially, I thought Skunk was a female. I wanted a girl for my boy (to breed them too), and asked the shopkeeper if that guinea pig I chose was one. I had no prior knowledge of pigs so the shopkeeper confirmed that it was a she. But much to my dismay one (un)fortunate day while I was bathing 'her', I realized that the genitals of both guinea pigs were pretty much the same. It was too late for that change. I, in no doubt had turned them gay.

Amidst the many fun times we had, it is unfortunate that my body has decided to be allergic to them. During my first sem at NTU, I used my guinea pigs and hamster as part of my art projects. They were indeed a hit with my classmates. But now that they're gone, I don't know if I could ever find the inspiration for my art subjects.

In fact, I'm slightly attached to my hamster as he was the only offspring that I have managed to keep alive successfully from my previous married hamsters.

I really feel for them. I hate myself for not taking proper care of them. I don't know how my mother would react to this, as she doesn't know that they're gone. Apart from the monetary contributions that my mother gave, it was my sole responsibility to keep my albino happy, but now that it's gone. I just feel ashamed and a sense of dread and loss. I feel really remorseful. I feel bad. I feel terrible. Really.

In loving memory of:

2005-12-19T17:31:00.000+08:00

RESULTS ARE OUT!!!!!

Thank God!!! Really I wouldn't have passed through last semester without Him! Never thought I'd do well for Art Hist and Lit!!!! French is a bonus!!!!

2005-12-16T22:20:00.000+08:00

2005-12-15T23:29:00.000+08:00

Bad Week

I hardly fall ill, but when I do.. I fall ill BIG TIME.

Should've known earlier, that putrid ulcer was a sign, of me falling sick. That blasted ulcer lasted for 3 - 4 days, and I couldn't smile symetrically. I had to do that lop-sided smile in order not to feel pain beneath my right gum. I looked like an idiot. That same twisted smile that Joker from Batman has..

Anyways, just when my ulcer was about to disappear, I came down with fever (in addition to the pain the ulcer was causing) and I couldn't sleep at night cuz my whole body was aching to bits. I'd rather suffer superficial cuts on my body than to tolerate fever pains. I tried sleeping earlier(10 pm) but I kept tossing and turning. My sensory nerves went berserk, one moment I'll feel extremely cold, and the next, I'll be sweating from the prickly heat. So I tried bathing my pain away(1 am). Even the slightest rub from my cotton towel felt like pain on my skin.

So the next day, I set to see the doc. I was feeling better then, but my throat got worse... Drinking water was equivalent to downing a cupfull of coarse sand. Lozenges didn't help sooth my pain for more than 5 mins. Being sick makes me real crappy..

Anyways, I couldn't sleep last night, and I woke up this morning still looking like a panda (not that I don't already look like one). My throat still feels extremely sore, and my throat keeps producing phelgm (the thick yellow viscous kind). Did I mention that when I spat it out, there was a slight tinge of copper (dried blood I think). Urgh... I pray that I'll be better before Christmas arrives!! And now that my ulcer's gone, my coughing just started, and each time I cough, it just makes my throat feel worse than ever... argh...

I am a complain queen...

2005-12-11T00:40:00.000+08:00

Enlarge it!!!

2005-12-10T23:43:00.000+08:00

Sing Sing Sing Carols!

I wonder what happened to all my toolbars for editing font, font size, color.. etc..

Anyways, I had a good day today, singing at United Square with my church friends. We sang:
1. Christmas isn't Christmas
2. The Best Present of All

It wasn't as daunting as it should be, in addition to the fact that I wasn't prepared at all cuz I barely knew these two songs (although I've sang it before, but I have trouble with my memory!). For that, I really thank God for making almost everything run smoothly ('cept for the mikes), and I felt great singing christmas carols.

Many people barely know the true meaning of Christmas. If you're one, could try searching it at www.wikipedia.com. or you can try coming to Galilee Church on the 17th of Dec for a Christmas message!

To many, Christmas is just a secular holiday rather than a religious one. But we wouldn't have been given the privilege of feasting and the exchanging of gifts if not for Jesus. It's more than that actually, we celebrate His birth! Which in turn determines our salvation.

Well, give it a lil' thought. Christmas is celebrated worldwide, compared to the other religious holidays. I believe that it is the power of God that was capable of making this possible. I think of this as an analogy. We're all not condemned YET. The fact that even non-christians are celebrating Christmas holds the fact that every single one of them will have the chance to come to know the true meaning of Christmas. Salvation!

For now, everyone's able to enjoy the nice presents from our friends and relatives. I admit that I look forward to this every year cuz I get to showcase my artistic talents by creating 'em (*ahem* yesh.. I am a showoff... I like my works.. sue me!) But you know something, is Christmas going to prolong till the day you die? It could be like Christmas everyday when you get to know Christ! After all, Christmas is named after Him eh? So... How can anyone have Christmas without knowing Christ? It's like telling the waiter that you want Cheesecake without the Cheese, or Chicken Rice without the juicy bits of Chicken!!!! How can that be enjoyable eh? Enjoy Christmas, with Christ.

BTW.. more abt myself...

I haven't been doing good for the past week, but today was different because deep down, I'm seeking forgiveness from Jesus. I feel kinda guilty sometimes when I see others praising the Lord openly. I'm not able to do so, otherwise I'd feel that I've tainted Christianity. But hearing the kids singing today and cheering loudly for Jesus, makes me feel that I can have a go at wiping out sin in my life again. I'm still trying, but today's one of the days in making me want to try even harder.

2005-12-07T01:48:00.000+08:00

Utterly Horrified

I am so disgusted by this reader who borrowed a book (the book which I have with me now) from the library.

I was flipping through the new (yes, it's a fairly new book - published in 2005) book which I sought my eyes on. And guess what... BLOODY DOG-EARS!!!

The previous reader had no decency of taking PROPER CARE of the book that doesn't belong to him/her!! I guess the person who did it must've been a perfectionist (perfect dog-eared angles), BUT WHAT A LAZY BUM!!!! Can't he/she get a freakin bookmark? Just use a bloody piece of tissue paper for all I care, so long you don't HURT the book!!!!.. URGH!!!

Pisses me off to know how some people can be THAT inconsiderate... Now that new book's scared for life... I know it'll eventually be tattered and torn, BUT, AT LEAST THE PAGES WILL HAVE LESS CHANCES OF FALLING OUT IN THE FUTURE... Urgh... Pisses me so badly, I feel like punching the previous reader...

2005-12-04T09:39:00.000+08:00

Even God Isn't Demanding So Much From Me

Okay, this is one of the hardest things that I've ever done. Planning games.
In fact, it is my first time, and I've never felt so screwed in my life. I tell
myself to plan beforehand, which most of the times I do, except for the reccing of
the school compound.

Reason why I procrastinate: I had a lot of school work to be done at that time, I had my exams going on too. Maybe I'm weak, I can't juggle more than one work at once.

I understand that the people who are in-charge of this camp are just as busy, therefore the tension and agitation. I know this particular blog's gonna hurt some people, but I'm already down and out. I'm in desperate need of sleep, cuz I keep tossing and turning at night, not knowing what will go on the next day. I tell myself to trust in God, but somehow that trust never reaches to a new height. I guess I rely on myself too much not to screw things up.

Look at my title, "Even God Isn't Demanding So Much From Me". Because I think people are the reason why I'm getting depressed every minute. I woke up late today, because I tried completing so much last night, thus missing church. I wanted to go to church, but my head refuses to wake up. I know Eve's really busy, with work and all, but I wish I had someone I can really turn to. Not them, not anyone from church (sorry to hurt many of your feelings), although Gwyn did manage to make me smile yesterday by telling me abt the cryings at their Sentosa camp.

I know it's going to be a pathetic week for me - once I'm completely down and out, I will be for the next few days. All this stress is making me mentally sick again. I couldn't enter a deep slumber because I kept thinking that I'm going to die young, again. My leg feels funny, and so does my shoulder, I fear that I'm suffering from cancer of the bone. I get bruises and cuts easily these days. I'm dropping way loads of hair. It's scary when you see my floor. I just feel like crying even when I'm typing this. I don't need no consolation from anyone. I just want to be free from all duties.

I'm never ever going to help out in anything again, call this a selfish reason, but no matter how many will try to tell me that I did a good job, I'm not going to budge, ever again. Once is enough, it's hard to go through doing most things alone. I wish I had more time to myself this holiday. I think I'm not a people person, even when I've known people for a really long time, I guess there's still no connection between me and them. I feel better being a hermit. I used to dread alone-time, but not anymore. I realize that I'm incapable of bonding with humans, and watching movies alone has never been so enjoyable. I've been doing that for the past year...

And I prefer keeping quiet to myself, just bottle everything up. Sometimes that sinking feeling you get in your heart, that painful pull... I enjoy it. Don't call me a maniac, but that's the only feeling that makes me human. Tears are welling up in my eyes now, but I like that feeling too, although I feel extremely sad. It is precisely that no one bothers that I like feeling alone. I can visualize my future: Own apartment, small but cosy, a dog (preferably a pug), and my state of the art kitchen. And God's blessings of course.

2005-11-26T01:44:00.000+08:00

The Desperation

WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?!?!
Guess what I did... Yeah I do the MOST AMAZING things...
I think you'll be freaked out... in the next few seconds! HA!

I'm psychotic! I sent some unknown American actor a fanmail
just cuz I saw him acting in one Disney movie!!!! I thought he
was cute, checked him out, noted that he acted in an independant
movie that had his fanmail address!!!

WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?!? ARGGHHH!!!!
This reminds me of the time where I wrote something to SHAN WEE,
the DJ of Perfect 10, just cuz I saw him on the train!!! URGH!!!
Good news though, he replied, but only once!!!!

And back in secondary 2 (I think), I wrote a snail mail to
Prince William!!!!! ARGHH!!! Really!!! To think that it started off
so young... and I'm turning 20 soon!!! Gee I'm really insane.. But
sad to say, that letter never get to Prince William (or his fanmail for
that matter), cuz I didn't mail it! I kept it with me.. too lazy to send
it to somewhere in England.. And I still have it... haha. funny funny..

2005-11-23T22:07:00.000+08:00

Nose Pain

The library is a very nice place...
The library looks good...
The library is EXTREMELY quiet...
So a warning for all of you...

Please don't go to the library on a rainy/cold day when the weather's bound to get to you. It got to me alright.. I sniffed throughout the entire time I was in the library and this bloody guy kept giving me this 'sicko, get out and sniff for all I care' look... URGH!!!! Sick people do not belong in the library!! Not even when the crucial day is coming soon!!!!

My cold is really bad. I can't taste my food, I can't hear (but my friends already complain that I'm partially deaf - 'selective hearing' tsk tsk...) and FEBS (that cold medicine over the counter) doesn't work!!!

2005-11-21T23:21:00.000+08:00

Disappearing Act

I have a knack for losing friends I meet along the way.
I don't understand why I can't commit to my friends in sec sch and poly.
Despite me knowing them for nearly 3 years, I still feel left out somehow.
And I play the one who's always MIA (Missing In Action)
Maybe it's just me, but I don't feel like I've met anyone who's really family to me.
Well, maybe some... 1 or 2 good ones (you should know if its you)

My poly and sec sch friends are really great friends, great people in fact. But I don't seem to gel with any. I mean, during those days, we stuck like glue in school, and maybe sometimes outside. But my heart will not accept them as 'sisters'. Perhaps that is why I'm always losing them. Even with my really close pals now, I feel distant.

The only thing I feel really close to is my family. I'm a home girl, I dislike going outside (apart from the occasional shopping and movie treats). I can't really buy clothes, neither can I buy anything that I like cuz I'm not rich (but not poor either). I just don't spend on unnecessary items. But sad to say, each time I go out with my pals, I end up spending more than I should, and when I can't, I feel the pain of not getting what I want. Blame it on materialism... I know as a Christian, we ought to put materialistic items out of our way. I'm trying to. But when it comes to various knick-knacks, you just WANT ('NEED') it. I've noticed this syndrome taking place in a lot of girls I know.. but they'll deny it somehow (attributing it to a 'NEED').

Well okay, shopping will never be my first hobby, cuz I still hate walking amongst the crowds. I prefer making my own stuff. I like doing crafts, perhaps another reason why I love home so much. I get to have my own space, my own creative atelier. Despite many being interested in the IDEA of making things, they don't do it. But I'm not that sort of person.. I hate procrastinating, it makes me sick. But ironically, I do procrastinate a lot when it comes to homework (ART HISTORY!!)

I'm not like them. I'm not like anyone. And neither am I a good person. I complain lots when I have the chance to, but no one has yet to hear me babble till my mouth bleeds. I've been keeping things to myself, and the chunk that has the opportunity to be let out, it's just a tiny portion. And the things I complain about, nobody will be interested in it. Maybe that's why I hardly have good friends who'll lend a listening ear. But those who do, I choose not to talk to them, because I don't feel the closeness. It's really my fault somehow, for always feeling that way.

And in school, I smile all the time, I tell lame jokes, I like making people laugh. That's just 1/4 of who I am. The rest, they won't see. I just feel that I'll never ever be understood by anyone. They have other friends who are better than me (whom they've known longer). I am a pain in the ass when it comes to group work, I strive for the best effort. Well, it's possible to label me a 'workaholic'. Maybe that's why I seek solace by burying myself in tonnes of research or work. And I think I'm transforming into The Hermit. I was a hermit, but this time, into a hermit with a shell large enough to accomodate me for the rest of my life. Oh yeah, and I love watching movies alone, the loneliness is bearable, in fact I like that feeling of isolation. But I hate it too.. It's a love/hate relationship.

Maybe I'm who I am because I find it hard to please myself. But maybe it's hard for me to find sibling-like friends. Or perhaps I feel that nobody likes hanging with me at all. Which is most prob true. I'm dull, I talk about nonsense, and no one likes talking about art & design the way I do. Many times I shut myself in a vortex, where I know I can make up my own stories. Make up new friends, a new life, something sci-fi... I love reading fiction. When I have the time, I usually absorb myself with books. No one can disturb me when I'm reading. My imagination's having a fun time. Maybe that's the sort of life that I want... I yearn for a good & exciting life, a couple of really good pals, and definitely, a guy who's able to steal my heart. None now... all are losers. Except for my imaginary ones...

2005-11-19T00:01:00.000+08:00

JOHNNY PACAR

Ain't he so handsome???

2005-11-18T13:00:00.000+08:00

Been long since I did vector art.. Shall post one here...

LOVE SONG

Will a dashing young gentleman sing me a love song? Hohoho... Preferably some dude with ruffed up hair, who comes from the States... who goes by the name of.....
JOHNNY PACAR??! He so handsome.. He so cute.. He so making me jelly in da kneeeees..

2005-11-14T00:54:00.000+08:00

Stuck in a Rut

You know something? I still feel 17.. or maybe 18. I look into the mirror every morning and I question myself. Do I look like I'm ready to be 20? Do I want to be 20? Am I 20 (will be in December)?

NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! I look around me and it seems that people my age have done more than half the things that I have!! I mean MATURE things... Not KIDDY things such as staying at home and watching Channel 32, 33 and 35 from the cable TV.

I'm not ready to be a 20 year old!!!!!!!!!!!! I STILL LIKE HARRY POTTER AND I STILL LAUGH AT NICKELODEON JOKES!!!! ARRRRRGGHHHH!!!!!! I STILL ACT LIKE A MORON IN FRONT OF MY FRIENDS!!!

I don't dress 20ish... I don't have adult clothes.. I don't DRESS UP... I don't feel like it.. It makes me feel.. old.

OLD.

so OLD.

Hai...

And I caught Sky High today.. ALONE... No one who's 20 in their right minds would watch SKY HIGH. It's a movie for TEENAGERS (term doesn't apply to me anymore). Yeah, people my age will tell me that DISNEY movie's for amateurs who are in for a cheap teen flick kinda comedy..

BUT I LIKE IT! And I'm gonna catch Harry Potter & Chicken Little.

See.. I'm not ready for movies like the Exorcism of Emily Rose... I freak easily.

Geee.... I'm still a kid. I still WANT to be one. Feel like one. I adore Nickelodeon, Disney and Cartoon Network. I like cheesy lame cartoons with no educational value or whatsoever.. I think 'The Fairly Odd-Parents', 'Naturally Sadie', 'Avatar', 'Drake & Josh', 'Jimmy Neutron' ..etc... ARE LOVABLE SHOWS..

2005-11-12T22:03:00.000+08:00

Randomness!

1. Samuel Beckett's 'Waiting For Godot' is a bunch of bull, although it speaks some truth. Unlike the author who's long gone, God authors my life, and I think life is beautiful. Full of repetitions, but in between these repetitions, I meet great people like the 3 girls I knew since secondary school (Eve, Gwyn, Mag). (P.S. I think EXISTENTIALISM is a foolish theory)

2. Soooo long to Literature! (despite the A- for the essay, I still feel I did nothing great to deserve that, but thank God for bringing me through that and the test)

3. Buy me more grapes.. QUICK!!! Yum yum, full of juicy goodness!

4. Rented 'The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants'. The 4 girls reminded me of the ones I know... It's a touching story. Go watch it! 'tho the title sounds a little dweebish, it's a true-to-the-heart film. I cried yeah?!?!?! I seldom cry... at movies..

5. I can't wait for the Art History (presentation & exam)to be over!!!!! I wanna make gifts for my friends.

6. I like this TV character. From 'Naturally Sadie', he plays Hal Hawthorne, and his real name is Justin Bradley.

7. GREECE GREECE GREECE!!! (Look at Pt 4)... One of the characters went to Greece. Full of Grecian goodness. The water's bright blue and so crystaline-like..

2005-11-10T16:48:00.000+08:00

Knock Knock!

Some Knock Knock jokes i found from Wikipedia... hahahahaha

---------------------------------------------
Knock knock
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Don't cry; it's only a knock-knock joke.

---------------------------------------------
Knock knock
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to open the door?
(Aren't you going to open the door?)

Knock knock
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock knock
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock knock
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock knock
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange ya glad I didn't say "banana" again?
(Aren't you glad I didn't say "banana" again?)

---------------------------------------------
Will you remember me in an hour?
Yes.
Will you remember me in a day?
Yes.
Will you remember me in a week?
Yes.
Will you remember me in a month?
Yes.
Will you remember me in a year?
Yes.
I think you won't.
Yes, I will.
Knock knock
Who's there?
See? You've forgotten me already!

---------------------------------------------
Knock knock
Who's there?
Olive!
"Olive who?"
Olive you!

---------------------------------------------

Grape jokes! HAHAHAHAHA: A Grape joke is a specific type of question - answer joke. The listener is not expected to provide the answer, but to ask for it to be provided by the teller of the joke.

---------------------------------------------
Q: What's purple and goes up and down?
A: A grape in an elevator.

Q: What's purple and flies?
A: Super-Grape!

Q: What's purple and vies for world domination?
A: Alexander the Grape.

2005-11-05T02:49:00.000+08:00

Teach Me To Be Pretty
By Erica

I don't know what's pretty
Or what's in it that makes us do
I don't know how's pretty
How bout putting some nasty make-up
And parading behind the bars in zoo

I think I may know what's pretty
Pretty ugly I must say
There's a prerequisite for lookin' good
Filthy and boisterous and flirty around
That black lump in your heart is pay

Pretty bitchy, pretty snappy
Pretty creepy, pretty crappy
Pretty pretty pretty pretty
Ain't that how most of you are
I think you all should be called Chimpy

Like monkeys that see that monkeys do
Pretty backside scratching
And so do many think its pretty cool
What's the point of dolling pretty
A mean old joke on mindless quacklings

So teach me to be pretty
But do I do I do I do want to be
Pretty smooth with guys, skin, and talk
But all ugliness smothered rotten inside you
Do I really want to be that type of pretty

I say not, but maybe I do.

2005-10-15T16:57:00.000+08:00

The End Times

It's all in the news today- Straights Times (Saturday Special).
They talked about the occuring natural disasters, how hundreds and thousands of people have died since the tsunami hit SEA in 2004, when hurricane Katrina rolled over the USA, and now, the southern asia earthquake.

It scares me to know that earth's not going to be in a better shape in the next few years to come. But at the same time, I'm proud to believe in Christ. Now that I know He's coming soon, I'm urging all my fellow Christian friends to spread the message.

Please save your loved ones,
Please save the non-believers,
Please save your enemies,
All easily done just by accepting Christ.

Saturday Special was pretty interesting today. They put two stories back to back - one about the impending doom of armaggedon, and the other about people who try to spread the gospel through their professions. It seemed to me that the writer was writing from a non-christian angle.

It's all coming to light now... How the bible mentioned that Christians will be persecuted for their beliefs. The more complains there are against us, the harder it is for Christians to save souls. But I believe that God had planned for everything to happen this way. So if you're a Christian, don't be discouraged to spread the word of God.

But I do understand that many come across as being really pushy when they try spreading the gospel. As much as you want the poor soul to be saved, it's best to do it a step at a time, try putting yourself in a non-christian's shoes.

Confusion + Pressure (for the poor soul) = Repel/Rebel/Disgust

I'm still a baby Christian, but I do understand the mechanics of human psychology. Just pray to Christ for strength and for the non-believer to accept Him one fine day. I'm going through that difficult stage too - My parents aren't saved. Neither is my brother.

For me, I do it encourgingly. And I still need the encouragement and prayers from my Christian peers. But I do know that the Lord has heard my pleas. Taking it one step at a time.

Just to let the readers know about the end times (from what I know):
1. Wars & Natural disasters will strike (and it has)
2. All Christians will be RAPTURED - To be taken away to heaven (there's no death involved here, people will dissappear suddenly, so do not be shocked when you find all your Christian friends missing one day)
3. The 7 years of tribulation - When the Anti-Christ comes
4. The first 3 1/2 years will appear to be good, the next 3 1/2 years will be torture
5. Those left behind after the RAPTURE (non-believers) will be forced to get marked (speculations that in the future, people need the mark, like a barcode, to buy basic essentials such as food)
6. After which, there will be the second coming of Christ (along with the Christians) to triumph against the anti-christ and satan and those that support them.
7. Non-believers, the anti-christ and satan will be cast into the Lake of Fire (HELL) to be burned forever.
8. The saints(Christians), along with God and Christ will rejoice in heaven forever and ever.

P.S. I remembered something said from Prof. Jim Blumenstock's message. The pain from suffering in hell, and the joy you'll receive in heaven cannot be measured by any human. Just multiply your worst or best days by millions, and that is how you'll feel in the future.

2005-10-08T22:42:00.000+08:00

Hard Times

I think it's just me. I feel like I'm becoming a hermit once more. My life revolves around school, and only school. It is hazardous. School is toxic.

Blame it on my laziness (but I don't think I am). I'm always going to school on time, handing up my homework on time, doing everything else on time!!! But why do I still feel as though I have soooo much to catch up?

I hardly go to lit lectures (because he keeps talking about irrelevant materials), occasionally I'll skip French (at least I can catch up), I seldom go for Art History lectures (I tell myself that I'll know everything if I read the book). But I never get to where I wanna be!!!

Now I'm stuck in a rut, A HUGE RUT. I've a lit essay due on the 19th of Oct, and that'll cost me 50% of my grades. And I have no faintest idea of what's going on, although I do know that I'm always blurting out nonsensical answers in class (perhaps it's a ploy to impress Murphy). What am I going to do????? Bloody 50%!!! HALF OF MY GRADES LEI!!!!!

Gee.. and there goes Art History too... Although it makes me a tad happy to know that I'm not the only one in my course struggling with everything. Gee weez..
I think I'm beginning to hate this phrase

"So much to do, so little time"

Yeah.. I hate it a lot, because it's happening to me now. It makes me shiver, it makes me sweat (no, not like when I see a handsome boy), but it feels like doomsday is coming, the day when I face my big "F". I pray not though. I want NO "F".

2005-10-05T22:41:00.000+08:00

Work Work Work... No Play

My life's like that...

I wake up, I go to school, I go back home, I do my shitloads of HW during the weekends, trying to finish of the tiny bits on weekdays. Not to mention the flipping of 100++ pages through my Art History text, and my stacks of reading for literature.

I feel so exhausted, there's no reason or aim in rushing all of us. We're just gonna burn out one day. I admit that I'm a sucker for getting all things done so that my lecturer will be pleased that I'm on time. That's why I'll never be late for anything, unless I feel that there's no point in reaching for that goal.

I haven't been sleeping well lately. I dreamt of a dragon named Yoko, tamed by this boy chasing after me and my family. All I know was that at the end of the dream, the dragon caught me. Did I die? I don't know, but I think I did. I'm an insomniac.

And one thing, I don't feel for guys at all... Like I've lost all hope and interest in any.

Back to rubbing my eyes..

2005-09-29T20:46:00.000+08:00

MY GOD IS POWERFUL

I reached home, my dad was sweeping the floor.
He bent down, and felt a sharp pain in his knee.
But he continued sweeping. I offered to help (I hardly do, but seeing him like this breaks my heart). But he tells me to go do my own stuff.

I heard that 'crack' in his knee, I think I did. And I really respect my dad for being who he is. The man of the house. The brave one. The loving father.

I offered to help again, but he told me to mind my own thing. And at the same time, he told me he might not be going for the spinal operation. I was puzzled, I asked him why. He mentioned about Dr. Chan (my family doctor from a long way back). Dr. Chan told him to hold his op for the time being, because my father may not need that yet.

Then I said something that I thought I would never say. I told my father I will pray for him, because my God is a powerful God. As usual when something like this happens, I'll walk straight into my room and shut the door behind me. I don't know what was my father's reaction. But I do hope that I'll reach into his heart one day. As well as my mom's and bro's.

2005-09-24T01:07:00.000+08:00

Staying Grounded

I have been reflecting recently, and I really do have so many things to thank God for. First and foremost, thank God for landing me in SADM. To cut a long story short, if it weren't for Him, I wouldn't have been able to leave CJC a long time back, then I wouldn't have been able to enter TP, and I wouldn't have learned more about design, and I wouldn't have gotten into SADM. Yups. It's as simple as that.

I did have a couple of negative moments while I was in school. I was afraid that I wouldn't be close with my new classmates, I was afraid that I wouldn't blend in. But all that aside, trusting Christ makes everything much simpler, and I know that He meant for me to be in that school. It wasn't by chance that I met another fellow Christian, and it's almost too coincidental for us be going through a similar crisis at home. God's plan is perfect.

Also, I feel the urge to spread His word to my classmates who are mainly non-believers. And it's not by chance that Western Art History and Literature are based mainly on Christian themes, I just pray that I'll be able to use this opportunity to reach out to my other classmates such as Mag, Kim, and Mich.

And finally, I'd want to thank God for the time that I was able to spend with my friends just a few hours back. We had dinner together, we all talked and bonded. It just feels really nice to know that we're all going through the same ups and downs, at least we're able to encourage each other. I just pray that we're able to do that more often.

2005-09-20T20:05:00.000+08:00

::My Papa::

Please pray for my dad. He's having an operation next week to remove something that's pressing on a certain nerve on the spine. I think it has been quite a pestering problem for him cuz he has been feeling numb in his arms.

Also, please help me pray for my parents' and brother's salvation.

Thanks.

All in God's hands

2005-09-15T00:40:00.000+08:00

SHAN WEEEEEE!!!!

Ooohhhh Boy!!! I took the same train as Shan Wee (Eye for a Guy 2, current Perfect 10 DJ)!!!!! Aww too bad though, he alighted at Bishan. I suppose he was ready to go to Perfect 10's studio..

Man, can you believe it? My heart was racing, and it was pounding really really hard and fast!! AikeZ!!!! I SOOOO badly wanted to ask him if I could take a pic with him, you see, I had my digi with me... But I was just too shy!!! Kinda pai sei if you ask me, cuz the train was SOOO crowded.. And he stood out from the crowd. Cuz he's like freakishly tall.. 1.9m. Mmmm the tension.. aye.. and he was listening to his mp3 player.. I think it was the same as mine.. Creative Muvo!

Ha! Okay I'm sounding like an obsessed fan.. But again, fan I'm not.. But fan of a cute man? YeaHH!!! I AM!!! And I decided to e-mail him. Each time I checked my Lycos mailbox, I had that anticipation.. But hour after hour... I was beginning to feel dreadful cuz I think it's highly impossible for a busy DJ to reply an insignificant e-mail. But he did!! MY HEART MELTED!!!!

2005-09-10T22:55:00.000+08:00

:: Updates Updates People ::

So.. How have I been?

Very very tired I must say...

My one week break is here, and I'm looking forward to the time when I WON'T BE IN SCHOOL! Although I know that I'll be slogging over my assignments at home. Sometimes I think that my 2D lecturer's just being so anal.. He talks too much during his 6hr class, and we get nothing done. Really. He tells us to bring our painting materials, but we never EVER use them. He's a good lecturer, but doesn't understand the stress that we're all going through. And he's the only lecturer that literally kills us with piles of hw, and he wants it to be neat... GrrrRRr...

So much to do, so little time... Here's my upcoming list of HW:

1. 1 drawing assignment (large size) - Foundation Drawing
2. 6 extra sketches for my Journal - Foundation Drawing
3. Take 130 pictures of 'letters' in the environment - 2D Design
4. Re-do all my previous assignments (make it neater) - 2D Design
5. Add more pictures/cutouts/stories/ideas into my visual journal - 2D Design
6. Make an 8" sculpture - 3D Design
7. Read Art History Text - Western Art History
8. Complete my French Homework - French

Yeah.. It ain't gonna be a holiday.. It's a workoday

Anyways... I was on the train yesterday, there were guards patrolling. And I think one looked pretty suave (I love men in uniform)!!! Haha... And this queer little malay old man started talking to me, was pretty nice actually, talking to a wise old stranger. But I think he's a little cooky, I thought I heard his voice after I left the train.. Hmm.. Oh well..

Guess it's sayonara for now. Church tomorrow! Praise the Lord for the life I have!

Btw, I'm supposed to memorize this verse,

1 John 5:11-12
And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. He who has the son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life.

2005-08-27T21:09:00.000+08:00

:: GUILT ::

I feel guilty for doing many bad things, even when I know that I shouldn't be doing it. But it's hard not to slip and fall sometimes, especially when the emotions and stress that build up in you tend to let go. However, I know I ought to try even harder to make the right decisions, especially when Jesus has already died for my sins.

Anyway, as I mentioned in my earlier blog, art school is tough. I feel that my social life's dwindling. But thank God that I managed to meet Eveline on Friday night. It felt good to meet up with my close friend of 7 years. I haven't been communicating much with anybody, and sometimes I feel like exploding. I just need to talk to someone, but it's hard to find any available person who's willing to hear me out. I feel that I'm starting to go downhill again, just like last time. Everything's gonna try to separate me from my family, friends and church. I just pray that I won't succumb to Satan's yoke.

I try to remind myself all the time, I'm where I am now because of God. And I'd do everything in the glory of God. That fact really hit me when I was reading my Daily Devotional guide yesterday. The narrator talked about his cousin, who's an artist (uncanny how God chooses to relate and connect to me). Apparently the narrator's cousin painted a picture of Jesus as he appeared to his disciples after the Resurrection. That painting was wonderful, everyone who saw the painting was moved. But apparently the narrator's cousin decided to redo some parts, and everyone was shocked, they didn't want her to, thinking that it'll only do the painting harm. But it turns out that the re-painting made it even more real.

As said in the Daily Devotional Guide,
" Something similar can happen with us as we allow God to "redo" us. In the hands of God, Christians are not transformed from wretched to miserable and then from miserable to not-too-bad. Instead, each of us is being transformed "from glory to glory". Glory is not reserved for us in heaven; God gives us glory here and today."

As miraculous as it sounds, I literally felt touched by God's word. I'm urging myself to work hard for God, and not do things for self-centered reasons. Because I know that God will honor those who honor Him. Although I know I'm still that easily swayed by laziness and stress, I just make sure that I repeat those two words in my head, "Honor God".

Prayer Focus (From Daily Devotional Guide): Artists