The dreaded e-mail
I never liked receiving e-mails from lecturers. More than half the time it's bringing you bad news instead of good ones. And I just received one, from my Sociology tutor. I think I had some referencing problems with my essay. I feel so overwhelmed with work.. I feel so stressed now.
And I think I'm beginning to suffer from my anxiety disorder again. For the past few days I have been feeling symptoms of anything and everything - brain tumor, deafness in ears, tingling sensation in my hands and legs... Then I get worked up, I think I'm going to die. Wait. Suffer and then die. Hold on. Suffer, and watch my parents suffer for my sake and then die, and they'll suffer even more.
I know every student suffers from stress. I take it differently.. I'm mental. I can't think of what to do anymore, my mind's a blank simply because of everything that's going on around me. I just want to huddle in my bed, lock myself in my room and never step out of home. I fear that I'm going crazy sometimes, I think I am.. I really am. I'm resorting to taking Xanaz again. I'm in such a *ucked up state I don't feel like being a student anymore.
2 comments:
I love you Erica! You are not going to die. There is no way.
Here's a verse:
Colossians 3:1-4 Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.
So basically, you can't die, because Christ already died for you. You are immortal. Yes, of course, there is pain and rough stuff in this life and there will be a time way off in the future when you will cross from this life into the perfect life of heaven. But Christ has made you immortal!
Sometimes I'm jealous of those students who thrive on stress. I don't. Stress makes me procrastinate and feel foggy and overwhelmed. I will pray for you and I will pray against the stress that is making you feel crazy. You aren't crazy, except for in the zany goofy awesome friend way. I love you and hope you feel better very soon. I hope that just writing out these feelings makes you feel better; it always helps for me.
Erica, you have so much talent. God has really blessed you and he will not let you fail. "In all your ways, acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths." When you trust in God and give him the credit for your creativity, artistry, and expressiveness, he walks alongside you. Your masterpieces are his pride and joy because you are his pride and joy and you praise him through everything you do. The creator of the universe cares about your assignments, your emotions, and your goals for the future! If God is for us, who can be against us? Not even death itself.
Thanks Rebecca.. I guess it takes time for me to really get everything sorted out, but I'm relying on God to be my friend right now.
If there's one problem with me, it'd be that as a design student, I keep trying to keep up with myself and the others around me, I guess pride has gotten me to a state where I keep pressurising myself to do better. And I lose sight of working for God. I can't remember which verse it is in the bible, but I know that we shouldn't be working to please man, but to please Christ.
I just pray that there'd be a time where I could really set aside worrying about other people's opinions of my work, and working just for God solely.
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