Joy? No Joy..

Ah well.. Erica is always alone.. Erica hates being alone, but yet she wants to be alone.. When people read this, they will ask Erica if she's okay. That's not the company she ever wants, she wants good company. Only company that will talk to her even when they know that she's doing okay, not when she's suffering from some mental disorder or emotional distress.

Then again, Erica has been living a life like this for quite some time.. So Erica starts talking to herself, and to God too. But somehow, Erica still feels that there's a missing part of her life. So Erica starts to feel miserable and sad. But she tries not to. Because she knows that feeling miserable or say, 'down in the dumps' ain't gonna make her smile or laugh at all.

So what does Erica do? I don't know. Erica doesn't know either. I guess Erica starts talking to God again. Erica feels comforted, although there are times that she hopes for a human friend to talk to too.. I suppose Erica needs a tiny bit of attention, that's why sometimes I see her doing stupid things (intentionally acting stupid and lame) that pulls her image down into the drain.

Sometimes I wish Erica would stop being such a pessimist. She can't help it that each night before she goes to bed, she would feel as if her heart was literally sucked down into an empty void. Can you imagine the tiny little muscles twisting and turning? That is how her heart feels. Let's put it this way. When Erica feels her heart being wrung and twisted, water gets squeezed out of her eyes too. Think of how you would wring a damp cloth to make it drier.

Btw, Erica tells me to tell everyone 'Hello'.